DFC #216 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
"It's not fair! P.J. looks better in his evening gown than I do!"--Jason D. Sinclair
I would help you change his diaper but there is not a single button on this outfit. Bil must have been using the injection mold equiment again.--schmuck
"C'mon, Bil! Yet another panel with just me and PJ? Are you certain that the DFC is tired of incest jokes?"--phonsux
Oswald Cobblepot, the Penguin, meets Selena Kyle, Catwoman, for the first time.-Outtake from Batman Returns: the Keane family screen tests.--Marty Gray
Hey, who let R. Crumb draw Dolly?--Mike
No stereoscopic vision, no response to visual cues.. your thesis advisor was right Mom. Raising a toddler in a house decorated with nothing but white paint does create a blind 2-year-old vegetable..--Mister Sinister
Dolly suddenly realizes that Neanderthals aren't extinct, and that they leave their young in other hominids' nests, like cuckoos.--Paul T. Riddell
"I couldn't find his juice bottle, so I put a nipple on the bottle of NyQuil. He looks fine to me."--Sean Hart
Divine in "Pink Flamingos": before and after makeup and costuming (dog crap sold separately)--Paul T. Riddell
I never wanted much from Bil...an occasional line or two, a decent background, some hair, a lower lip. But what could I do? I was barely a year old and couldn't talk. -- from It Stands For Percy Jermaine by P.J. Keane--anon
A young Timothy McVeigh, upset at the "Syndicate's" role in ending Bloom County, plotted his revenge. The tall girl above him a symbol of oppressioin, her turned head a representation of the faceless masters.--Skywise
Hey everyone! There's some kid here asking if we've seen his purple crayon!--anon
You know, Dad, maybe the reason you've never closed a deal for our action figures is because we never have any action... NO!! Wait! I didn't mean...--Gen. Sedgwick
Mom - PJ's giving me that look again - when's the next eating scene scheduled?--anon
This rare animation cel from "Jim Henson's Drew Carey Show Babies" sold for over $5,000.--Jim Ellwanger
I know he's my little brother. I know I'm supposed to love him. But by golly, every time I look at his pasty smooth skin and rounded lines I feel an urge to sprinkle him with salt and watch him dissolve.--Hideo Spanner
Two very rare and very rejected G.I. Joes: Dwarf Assassin; with winter camo, and Barracks Whore; with crabs the size of Maine lobsters.--jedi mind trip
"But why can't I knock out his last tooth?"--the hunter
...Hey Thel! Call over to the Yokum ranch and tell them one of their Shmoos got loose again!--OM
Sheesh, PJ thought in disgust, those medieval bodices give every girl some cleavage, but of course, my sister manages to foil another feminine standard . . . I wonder if she doesn't have an extra X chromosome or something. . . .--phonsux
These look good....I need 400,000 more PJ's made to be on the streets of Hong Kong by Monday.--The Boy
"I asked for a legion of the biggest, toughest skinheads, and this is what you send me? Oh sure, we're really going to form a Fourth Reich with this. Fuck."----Jester
Before we begin, exactly how long has the PreTeen Nude Unisex Wrestling Federation of American been around?--ChoppingBlock
A shocking scene from I Have No Mouth and I Must Keane--Steve R. Hastings
Mommy! PJ outgrew his feet again!--Dr. Zam
The tender young synapses in PJ's brain started to spark with deductive thought ..."Billy's got a pipe, Dolly's got a horn ....OH SHIT! what's gonna grow out of my melon???"--Big Dog
Although his blind date wasn't happy, PJ discovered the strange erotic thrill of being towered over by a woman.--Bill Baki
Hey, Dad! PJ's tests came back negative, right?--alanon
Poor PJ; he tries so hard. But a crew cut just isn't "hypno-hair," and it never will be.--Joe Klein
Is dis da kid what you want me to pound, boss?--Kukla
"O mighty Zondan, I have brought you the sacrificial virgin you requested... what's that? Well, of COURSE he's a virgin! How could he possibly... oh, you mean a virgin THAT way! Hmmm... I'll check."--Toby
Now if you wanna get a job as an action figure model, you have to hold your arms like this: one hand for the accessory, one for the karate chop. And, of course, your head only moves from side to side.--Bill
Hey, Mommy, I finally figured out what P.J. stands for! Premature 'Jaculation!--Schickelgruber
PJ found the conversation with Dolly's ponytail much more stimulating.--Bill
After listening to Dolly's latest epic "Ode to Nair," P.J. had proof Earth's poetry was the worst. If only the Vogons would come... --DieBilDie
"Mom, PJ is the worstest dance date ever! Can't I just take Barfy again?"--Wet Wookiee
Dolly stiffened as PJ blew into her ear and his noxious breath exited her mouth.--El Chupacabras
PJ refuses to twist again, like we did last summer!--Wet Wookiee
"I dunno, Mom -- either it's been a few weeks since you changed his diaper, or PJ here is pregnant!"--nice personality
"Mom? How much do you think a kidney is worth on the black market? ...oh, nothing; I was just curious..."--nice personality
"If you get any closer, PJ gets the boot over this cliff here."--spaz
Damned if I know what to say, Bil. Why don't you draw me some motivation, you no-talent hack?!--anon
Dolly's lockjaw reduced her to a system of communication comprised of awkward girations and the ever-frequent " P.J. throat-poke."--Andrella
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