DFC #13
(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)  (<<)  (<)  (>)  (>>)
  (?)    '?'

Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc.
Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc.

Hey! Who jizzed in da milk?--Dan Bailey
Two percent milk? What's the other ninety-eight percent? --anon
"Because it's not my turn to Heimlich Jeffy and my cereal's getting soggy!!!"--Andy Ihnatko
"Mom! Jeffy's 'purging' himself again!"--anon
You were right, Dad...the cereal stays crisp twice as long
when you use vodka instead of milk!--Andy Ihnatko
"You know that girl we've got chained up in the basement? It says here her name is Amanda Lee."--Larry Hastings
Is this the kind that makes its own gravy when you pour on the milk?--Blake
Mom! My head's twice as big as Jeffy's! What's IN this milk, anyway?--Lord G
Mommy, Jeffy's stoned again!--Mike
"Mom! Can we get AIDS if we drink this 'Homo' Milk!"--Steve Pruitt
Ya know, Jeffy might eat faster if you'd teach him how to use a spoon!--Adam Schabtach
"Since when is Ritalin the Breakfast of Champions?"--rfd
Mommy, why do I see pretty lights in my head every time I drink some of this milk?--Magus
What do they mean, "missing"? He's buried in the back yard!--Kt
Jesus, Mommy! Do you and Daddy have to do that while we EAT?!--Ron Martin
Mommy!! Jeffy said Elvis went to hell!! Make him stop!! Make him stop!!--Redheadsuckah
But you promised that you wouldn't blow the foodstamps on cold cereal and liquor again!!--Redheadsuckah
"Wait a minute...these aren't Sugar Smacks...they're (dramatic music) TERMITE EGGS!"--Paul T. Riddell
"Um...Mommy? I'm seriously starting to doubt there really is such a thing as 'Chunky-Style Milk'..."--Andy Ihnatko
Maybe if dad didn't spend all our money on booze and gay bathhouses we could get a decent breakfast every now and then!--zazu
Then the guy came outa the shower naked, strutted into Daddy's room and proceeded to...well here, let Jeffy show you.--zazu
Well, I wouldn't be spilling the milk all over if you'd taught me how to hold a spoon right.--Trism
Mom, when you say legal adoption,exactly what do you mean?--Jan-Allen Garber
No, Mom, Jeffy's not allergic to the shrimp. That's just his hair.--the Shagman
Daddy, is the steroid they use in the cow the same one that makes our heads enlarged?--the Shagman
Yes, Jeffy, that's what I think of Bil's cartoons too.--anon
Mommy, when will you be lactating again? This milk sucks!--Kenny G
Mom, at Becky's house, their milk is white, and they don't get it from the faucet...--The Verge
DADDY! For God's sake, put your pants back on!--anon
Why are we using spoons? The carton says to use a trowel.--zazu
Y'know this stuff ain't half bad s'long as you don't mix part B with it--anon
Mommy, pull up the DFC! I've got another idea for a milk carton gag!--Theo Van Gogh
"D-Con"? That's a funny name for a cereal...--tv
Mom, can Jeffy move on from dry cereal to the good hard antifreeze? I'm already on the blood-brew mom made for Grampa...--AK
Ha ha ha ha ha! The humanoids still suspect nothing, but using what they call "milk" I have managed to make my brain size twice as large as Jeffy's....--AK
Mommy told me that I'm better at kissing than you are, Daddy! --Monkey Boy
Hey, ya know, Grand Marnier DOES float on top of milk!--anon
Can't we go to the park instead, Daddy? You took nekkid pictures of us *yesterday*.--anon
"Mom, Jeffy's chokin' on a clump again. Why can't we ever get NEW milk?"--Mr. Clean
"Mommy, my breasts leaked all over the table again..."--Your Favorite DFC Fan
Are you sure it was a good idea to give Jeffy a whole bowl of Prozac? He keeps popping those things like there's no tomorrow.--El Vez
"Kibbles n' bits, kibbles n' bits - Mommy I want MORE kibbles n' bits!"--"Uncle" Al
"Yellow moons and green clovers I've seen before. But when in HELL did they start putting little blue capsules in 'Lucky Charms'?"--"Uncle" Al
This sucks! How come Jeffy gets the bowl of uppers and all I get is a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?--Kittycat
That's real nice of you to help out mommy and all, daddy, but I don't think P.J. is supposed to be nursing on you like that!--anon

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