DFC #266 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
"Well, I put it under the pillow, but that Nerve Ending Fairy stiffed me again."--Damo Suzuki
"I don't know what it is, but Daddy's already barfed up 10 of em'!"--Magus
When F.C. ended after Bil's suicide, Jeffy went on to a successful career as a merkin salesman.--Brad Popsiclestick
Once again Bil misunderstood the syndicate's orders to spice up the strip and included a grape scene.--Gen. Sedgwick
"Dolly! Get the armpit-hair scrapbook--NOW!"--Randall
In the Joel Silver version, Godot does in fact arrive at the end in the form of a 60-foot mutant. He uproots the tree, eats the two tramps, then rampages on through Chicago to a showdown with Mel Gibson and Bruce Willis.--Rotter
Jeffy was the only kid to flunk show and tell.--anon
Last year's pop technology, get your neural network here, last years pop technology....--yakko
Hey guys, guess what? Brooke Sheilds is pluckin' her eyebrows again!--Doc Evil
"Throughout the nightmarish ordeal that was my childhood, I was always grateful for my brother Jeffy. No matter how badly life treated him, he always maintained that sense of wide-eyed, childhood wonder. He was fascinated by the simplest of God's gifts, and would stare enchanted at bananas, and grape stems for hours. He enjoyed a rich fantasy life, talking ceaselessly about answering machines and dressing up like clowns or cowboys...Actually, come to think of it, Dad was right. Jeffy was a fucking retard." From Jeffy Remembered by William Keane Jr.---Jester
"The day that Jeffy scored a solo panel holding a piece of unidentifiable flotsam was the day it all went truly haywire. Billy took to the pets with a phillips screwdriver. Dolly gutted Bil with a weedwhacker like he was a 220 pound trout. That useless Roy Washington just sat in the corner reading his precious Bible and shaking. Thank God I had my valium and cognac, or who know how bad it might have really gotten". -- Thelma Louis Keane, The Day the Circus Died, Harlequin Press 1998--Vice Pope Doug
Jeffy wins... * FATALITY!!! * --Doc Evil
Jeffy wins a 1997 Darwin Award by proving to the Keanes that the window protecting them all from the vacuum of space is completely shatterproof.--Rotter
Look, Captain, a wee baby Entity! Ensign Jeffy was, of course, wearing the red shirt.--Namgubed the Merry Elf
In an odd variation on the Xmas mistletoe tradition, the Keane children would hang a barren grape stalk above the door, and demand a drink of Thunderbird when standing under it--the hunter
Disempowered, Jeffy grew more desperate with each passing day. Within a month, he was trying such bizarre tactics as the Hypno-Fern [pictured here] and the Hypno-Weeble-Wobble.--Heath
Now, from the Franklin Mint: the Jeffy(tm) Fruit Stand. You can have your grapes served to you by America's favorite preschooler in this handsomely proportioned hand painted porcelain collectible. Grape stem not included.--Peon
I love you, Morticia.--Analperm
"I ate all the grapes, and, by the way, I'm pregnant."--anon
Jeffy was the talk of Show 'n Tell when he proudly presented Charles Grodin's toupe to his classmates.--The 13th Floor
2:00 The Outer Limits Biology Project A deformed child seeks attention by using family members' body parts for a school project. Jeffy: Billy Mumy Uncle Roy: Anthony Perkins--Paul "Aaargh!" Reed
Wanna know how many grapes can fit up P.J.'s nose?--Tazabby
"You put your brain stem in, you put your brain stem out, you put your brain stem in, and you shake it all about..."--Jizmo the Wonder Horse
Wow! The Popeil Pocket Varicose Vein Stripper really, really works!--the whiner
Man! Get a frog drunk enough and you can rip out its central nervous system without a twitch!--Riff
Cool look, gramma just coughed up a lung!--R.J.M.
Young Dr. Moreau successfully splices a centipede with a praying mantis.--Trevita
"That fucking dove will never crap on our car again."--Omar
...and when I pulled out the eyeball, look what was attatched to it!--Tony's Dancing Clams
"Get on the phone, Daddy - we're down to seeds and stems again!"--Generik
"Boy, you sure find some weird stuff inside Uncle Roy!"--the Artist Formerly Known as the Prince of Darkness
Hey Mommy! I found Bil's toupee floating in the toilet again. Jesus, he's gotta ease up on the tequila!--Blackstone
Wow! Now that's what I call a 'rhoid!--Action Jackson
Mom, I found a Julia Set in the bedroom wastebasket. Have you been seeing Benoit again?--ewhac
Jeffy's attempt to engineer a "better, faster earthworm" has gone horribly awry.--ColBleep
I don't know what it is -- but the last time I had some, I woke up in the back seat of a limo in 'Lantic City, in a clown costume, in a pool of someone else's vomit. Want some?--Vice Pope Doug
Jeffy didn't care what the hell he had to hold, as long as he was featured.--Vice Pope Doug
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