DFC #311 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
At the precocious age of nine, John Tesh was already performing for neighborhood children.--Larry Hastings
Hot damn, I'm gonna whup that pansy Schroeder's ass at th' recital tomorrow!--Doc Evil
Only the most nimble virtuosos could duplicate Billy's "gluteussando". --Gen. Sedgwick
Billy performs one of John Cage's little known pieces: b.uN2 For Prepared Piano and a Puffy Little Ass.--Eat Yerself Fitter
"I prefer to be called |~\/-- , the Artist Formerly Known As Billy."--hangtownman
Scene from the new Daniel Day Lewis movie: "My Left Buttcheek"--anon
Even Hieronymus Bosch would think that this is pushing beyond the boundary of what can be defined as 'art'.--Karne-age
"If Bil can't bother to remove that musical condom he used, then, by gum, we're gonna have a duet!"--Stealth
It turned out to be a memorable, but lewd, Gong Show after Billy turned around and played Beethoven's 2nd with his penis.--jedi mind trip
What d'ya know? These ivories tickle back!--Ratman
Billy again suffering from his hearing loss, thinks Bil said he wanted to see Billy as a pianist.--Ratman
WEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! This really IS "The Entertainer"!--R.J.M.
I'm learning to play by rear. Get it "by rear." You know, instead of "by ear." Geez, what's wrong with you people.--Robert
Now if I sit here two beats that's a half-assed note, and if I sit here four beats it's an asshole note.--R.J.M.
Soon thereafter Billy learned that "movement" and "stool" had other, musical meanings.--Gen. Sedgwick
Having heard that Bil occasionally liked "tinkling on the ivories", Billy decides to go him one better.--Gen. Sedgwick
Who says the piano isn't a wind instrument?--Kill. Kill. Kill.
I'm hot tonight! Watch out Victor Borge, yer days are numbered! Hoo-Haaa!!!--Doc Evil
You can photocopy it. You can fax it. You can scan it and use Kai's Power Tools on it. You can even play a piano with it!--Werehamster
Billy found this instrument far more suited to his musical style then that whole ugly incident with the saxaphone.--The Ghost of Roy Cohn
"Yeah, but nothing scratches that special itch like a black key..."--Heath
They were all disappointed, and had hoped it would have been an oboe.--Heath
Just when you thought "Candle In The Wind" couldn't get more tasteless . . . --pony
"They've got Elvis impersonators, Madonna impersonators -- why not a David Helfgott impersonator?"--Shem
This'll teach Bil to draw something expensive!--Namgubed the Merry Elf
An early photo of young Liberace receiving his first orgasm!--Kevy
"Thanks to Thel's new `Deep Fried Everything!' diet, my ass now spans a complete octave!"--the infamous tms
But before his successful 1989 rehab, Elton John's friends knew better than to ask him to perform at a funeral service.--Rotter
Trying to appeal to "today's youngsters," Bil Keane draws Billy imitating "that Jerry Lee Lewis fella."--M
"...that was Butthoven's Moonlight Sonata...thank you very much, you've been a wonderful audience, I'm here all week"--Dog-Matic 2000®
While Billy distracted his siblings with his rendition of "Johnny Be Good," PJ picked their pockets.--M
Oh great. Another cartoon panel about a young boy being viciously sodomized by a piano. When will the madness end?--Podbeing
Seconds later, Billy had to be rushed to the hospital with a seriously lacerated ass after sitting on a sharp note.--Shem
o/` I shake my ass just to stem off the pain/ This kinda' itchin' drives a kid insane./ My deirrier - it starts to flare!/ Goodness, gracious, hemmoroids afire! o/`--Riff
Inna Gada Da Vida Babeeee!!--Tracy
For once in my life I agree with Jesse Helms: my tax dollars were wasted on this NEA grant.--Bubba
Billy entertains with his favorite Yanni tunes.--Hippie
Fuck this, Dolly," muttered Jeffy. "Let's go watch Mom purge her lunch in the bathroom." --xian, the boy with the monkey heart
This one's called "Preperation in the Key of H."--Timmy's Flat Rotting Colon
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