DFC #138
(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)  (<<)  (<)  (>)  (>>)
  (?)    '?'

Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc.
Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc.

Well, he got away again. Looks like it's another week of painful injections into the stomach for you, Jeffy!--Riff
Can't blame him for not trusting you, considering your reputation with water fowl.--Keef
Geez, this always works with those guys who live under the bridge...--Keef
I dunno, Jeffy. I wonder if Mom was telling the truth when she said Grandpa was reincarnated as a chipmunk!--Mr Bill
Here Billy have a chip...oh jeesus, oh god, it's starting again...I...just...want...it...to...stop...now. I promise, Jesus, I'll never buy acid from the man at the bus station ever again IF YOU JUST MAKE IT STOP!--I hate the Grateful Dead
I guess woodchucks don't like woodies. No. I guess squirrels don't like squares. No. I guess viscachas don't like whisky. No. Oh fuck, just get me the script.--Horselover Fat
See? The chipmunk can sense that these chips are poisoned. You didn't eat any, did you Jeffy? Jeffy?--Ratman
You little fucker! You wouldn't run away if I were a dainty little blonde with big hooters!--Tazabby
Dammit, I'm gonna get me a fur coat, no matter what!--Tazabby
Don't worry, Jeffy, we'll get your fingers back. Billy's waiting off-panel with the tazer.--tv's "zap!" Spatch
I don't get it; we have delicious potato chips and we can't catch a goddamn chipmunk. How does Father McLaughlin keep catching choirboys with those tasteless communion wafers?--The 4-Star Pope
"What was that Joe Lansdale once said about something being as scary as a psychotic greased gerbil with a miner's cap and a flashlight and your exposed asshole in sight?"--Paul T. Riddell
Although depressed because he ruined the families traditional "Tree Rat and Chips" dinner, Jeffy took comfort in the fact that he had saved his childhood friend Theodore.--Mad Mike
See.. I told you that we're trapped in a hamster wheel!--anon
Okay, Plan B. I'll try to lure it seductively with my pony tail.--ChoppingBlock
So, it's true what they say. Animals can sense evil.--Jackson Compton
I'm not entirely sure that Bil traced the chipmunk, but they're only about 3 inches long. Either we've shrunk to the size of Barbie dolls or Bil also needs to take Remedial Small Mammals.--Greg J
Jesus! One look at your face and they know they're dinner. Smile or something.--anon
No, wait! I'm sorry I called you a squirrel! What are you, then? A chihuahua?--Roy
Come back, Mr. Chipmunk! You've only eaten three chips and I bet P.J. I could get two whole bags down your lousy, stinkin' throat!--El Kabong!
I don't care how cheap these chips were; if another rodent pops out of the bag, I'm throwin' it out.--Don Spudleone
"Y'know, if animals can foretell disaster, then why didn't that damn chipmunk see this caption coming?"--Paul T. Riddell
I love watching them spasm when the strychnine starts to take effect.--attribution lost, sorry
I won't rest until I've driven the cholesterol level of every chipmunk through the roof!--anon
Your reputation must precede you.--Anastasia
Why is that chipmunk scared of us? It's bigger than our heads, for christ's sake.--Mr. Groovy
Well, this sure as hell ain't working! You think Billy's having any better luck with that steak tied around his waist?--Dave the Fave
Bil and his fucking product placements! Who wants a trip to Boise fucking Idaho, anyway?--Dave the Fave
I don't see why we have to find the replacement singer for The Chipmunks. Bil's the fucking drunk who ran over Simon with that mower!--Tazabby
Man, this is tougher than I thought! Why the hell can't Uncle Roy use gerbils like everyone else?--kafka
Jeffy was suddenly very tired. Dolly had confused Chip 'N' Dale with Chippendales again, and was trying to stick a Pringle in the chipmunk's thong.--Thomas Wilde
"He's got the weed in his cheek! Stop him!"--anon
Ha! This proves my hypothesis. Dotted lines chase people and curved lines chase little animals.--Tazabby
Hey, come back, they've got RRRRRIDGES!--Doc Evil
You see? Three bites of Olestra and he's already squirtin' big time!--Charlie Steinhice
Okay. We've scientifically proven that squirrels like: beer, cigarettes an' LSD. They don't like blood, dog shit or potato chips. That's a good 'nuff science project. Let's go smoke a bowl.--Vice Pope Doug
Just what does Michael Jackson have that we don't?--Anastasia

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