DFC #319 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
I give your Trapper John impression one thumb up! It would have been two, but I took points off for originality and delivery.--Mr. Ben McClellan
As his father began ranting about the 'tracking devices the government had put in his rectum', Billy made a mental note not to play doctor when his father was stoned out of his mind.--Magus
"Just the sonafabitch who left the plunger in the toilet." he grunted.--Vespa and Destroyer
Lishen, kid... I'd rather haff a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy, sho be a good little shit and go shteal me another bottle of booshe.--Orion the Hunter
New: Family Circus Viewmaster. Just put your face really close and you'll see a spectacular 3-d effect.--Mr. ?
Billy tried to involve his dad in his educational and career goals, but Bil thought only of his dream of becoming a Major League umpire.--hangtownman
Billy! What has your mother told you about wearing her g-string around your neck?--iota
What have I told you about using word balloons in the house?! Now go to your room!--anon
Scene from The Fugitive Circus, where Billy accidentaly stumbles upon the one armed man.--Mr.?
Years later, at the Nuremburg Trials, Dr. Josef Mengele would recant tales of why he became the cruel bastard that we was.--toade
This cartoon is scored so you can snap it in two - enjoy half the hilarity now and save the other half for later!--hangtownman
His father's response of, "Ehhhhh... I'm the Fonz!" finally convinced Billy his father was a fucking idiot.--Nethicus
At the time, Billy seemed unfazed by his father's cruel retort, "how 'bout the trash?" But 15 years later, he failed the MCATs, dropped out of college and became a garbageman... --From Growing Up in a Circle of Shame by Dolly Keane-Fortenski--Coalcracker
Moments after asking the question, as Bil began his long-winded, pathetic "Fonzie" imitation, Billy realized that the answer was brutally clear. Frontal Lobe. Quickly, before any more humanity leached out of the universe.--zen
"The Raggedy Andy costume. We did Doogie Howser yesterday."--M
Billy didn't even hear Bil's lame punchline. Like a deer caught in headlights, Billy could only stare out at the DFC. He knew he had just fucked himself.--M
Yeah! Me! To the ball game! Get it? "Take me out to the ball game!" Your old man's just as "with it" with the nutty captions as those Intronat guys!--Rotter
"Sure, son! The garbage!" Finally, after years of cynical Gen-X post-modernist recaptioning, the DFCers were reduced to being ironic about irony itself. Within weeks, the domain name was sold to a children's bookstore in Kansas City, MO.--Rotter
Billy thought long and hard about Bil's answer. Well, I've been wondering where my Captain Drillhead action figure had gone, he thought. But I'm not sure I want it back now.---Jester
Slide #53: A rare photograph of Family Circus mitosis in telophase.--Gen. Sedgwick
The opening scene of The Vice Pope Must Die!--Gen. Sedgwick
Too easy, Billy! But if you want to perform a "Spermburpinggutterslut-ectomy" out in the kitchen, I for one would be eternally grateful!!--Vice Pope Doug
Years of medical school tuition down the drain and the constant nagging reminder that his shiftless puke of a son is but a reflection of his own inability to accomplish anything meaningful with his pathetic life and the collapse of his marriage with Thel finally come to a boil as Bil snaps... "Yah you little spunk monkey. I want for you to take your ass out that fuckin' door and get a fuckin' job so you can make some goddamn money and quit being such a goddamn burden on your old man! Haven't I suffered enough for you, you little fuckin' ingrate!? Haven't I carried you on my goddamn back about long e-fuckin'-nough!? And bring me back some goddamn beer when you're out! Goddamn it boy, don't make me get out of this chair and kick your ass!--Rev-O
How about the southwest tower at San Quentin? I miss your Uncle Roy.--Gen. Sedgwick
"Your mom. Handgun's in the pantry."--Who me?
To Billy's dismay, Daddy's reply came in the form of a chuckle and a "jerk me off" gesture.--Who me?
"Just that goddamned whore what spawned you."--M
"Sorry, son, take yourself out. There's a five-minute penalty for captions outside the circle. Looks like Dolly and Jeffy have a power play."--Who me?
"Hit the showers, kid, and we'll see what comes out."--Who me?
Your Mother. Uncle Roy's Trouser Snake. Your Siblings. Those incontinent mutts. Charles Schulz. Any more silly questions...Doctor?--Paul "The Surgeon" Reed
As his father laughed uproariously at his son's pathetic dream of becoming a doctor, little Billy began, silently, to cry.--Who me?
How a seemingly innocent question started Billy on a long, lucrative career as a hitman for the mob.--El Kabong
"You're my doctor? Damn the Cowles HMO!!!"--Gen. Sedgwick
So many possibilities, so little space...--Joe Z
You can't fool me, Son. I've also watched Monty Python's The Meaning of Life...--ewhac
This raises WAY to many questions about exactly how family-oriented this strip really is, doesn't it?--Darth Vader, Lord of The Dance
"Billy, more feeling! More feeling! For this role, you must believe you are a 6-year-old doctor! Now let's take it from the top!--Down the hall from Dave
"No, but if you can put my flat, rotting colon back I'll give you 50 bucks..."--Tillman (With apologies to Timmy)
"Shit," Billy thought dismally as Bil graphically demonstrated the direct stream his ejaculate would take if Billy was a " very good doctor". --devvie
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