DFC #113
(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)  (<<)  (<)  (>)  (>>)
  (?)    '?'

Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc.
Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc.

Boy, I love "Sharper Image"! Where else can a guy get a TV Remote/rectal thermometer?--zazu
Hey, Mom! It's the "Li'l Rascals". Alfalfa's sick and they want to know if you're available...--Dave the Fave (getting it out of his system)
Hey Cousin "Pat", it's your lover "Cris", are you home?--caveman
It's Dad. He says give it up, Mom. You STILL don't look like Uncle Roy.--Joe Blow
Get your butt over here, quick! Some sucker finally called 1-900-SPANK-ME! Keep him going for 10 minutes, and we EAT tonight!--Joe Blow
Hmmmm, except for an odd effect on human hair, my new shrink-ray works perfectly.--jerright
Oh, mighty Ba'al, destroyer of backgrounds! Our submission to your will is complete! We bring you gifts of technology and kitchenware as testimony!--Larry Hastings
I'm not screwing around! You get the governor on the phone RIGHT NOW! I want the five million bucks and getaway chopper here TOOT SWEET or I push this button and blow us all straight to fucking HELL!--paTRICK heSTER
I punch in the URL for "Babes on the Web", an' I just keep getting this Chinese soundin' guy who seems really pissed off!--Vice Pope Doug
I try to call 911 'cause Dolly OD'd on diet pills... but the recording tells me I've reached the "Difficult Zone" an' to please try my call with another angle!--Vice Pope Doug
It's Daddy. He says he's sorry, but he used up his background quota yesterday so he could play Nintendo. We'll have to make due without.--The Outsider
Hey, Mom, my psychic friend can tell your future by you credit card number's numerology. She said you will soon learn to live without material possessions.--Greg J
A programable vibrator that grunts in seven languages? How big a dent did this put in the budget!--Bill Fortier
Mom, quick! It's those idiots from the Southern Baptist Convention... They think you're a guy with that new haircut and they're threatening a boycott!--Frenchy, the toad swallower
Beam us up *NOW*, Enterprise -- there's a weird alien approaching with some lethal-lookin' Frisbees!--the guy in the red shirt
A full-form, free-floating, vaporous apparition -- and it's REAL! Egon! Venkman! Get over here, NOW!--Dr. Ray Stantz, the Heart of the Ghostbusters
Wow! Life is so much easier now that I found Mom's remote. Bring those tacos over here, bitch!--halaq
Here, Mom...you got the banshee voice...use it on this pain-in-the-ass salesperson. --Tazabby
Mommy, a man started giving his credit card number as soon as I picked up the phone. It must be for you.--His Imperial Majesty
Cripes. Blondie starts her own business, and now you go and change from that Stepford-wife 'do to this kd lang special. What gives?--Zenmaster
Mommy, I finally got the Flowbee company on the phone. They say they're not responsible.--Anastasia
Mommy, it's the police. Daddy's been scaring little boys again.--Anastasia
It must be for you..it's someone asking for "your mom, that dike bitch."--the wonder cheese
It is technology, mother, and it speaks! We must worship it like unto a god!--brandt
It's daddy calling from jail again. This time you can smell the booze over the phone.--John Boy
It's Bil. He says he won't draw the house until you put your wig back on.--Jan Keilk
I'm not sure what kind of animal this is. All I know is that it's a male and it sure likes you!--Sauk Hawk
Fine, you win. I hid your breast in my right sleeve. Now PLEASE take the handcuffs off my wrists so this thing will stop shooting pins at my face!--Jake
It's Mr. Wilson. Sounds like he's totally wasted. He keeps calling me Dennis and threatening to shove a pair of drumsticks up my ass. --Tazabby
It's Daddy! He says that you're not really my Mom and that I should get out of the house as soon as possible. What a goof; I mean, you're making us dinner, how bad could you be??--Don Spudleone
My " dorky new haircut " detector is going nuts,Mommy. Why is... oh, I see, never mind...--Doc Evil
Holy shit, Mommy! I never knew you had ears!--Doc Evil
It's Roy. He says dad needs to go down to the clinic, pronto!--anon
It's dad. Should I tell him about all the dyke captions?--zazu
You're gonna need more than a short hair cut and Birkenstocks to make it over to "Doonesbury", Babe!--zazu
It's Speed Racer. He says you're violatin' the promotional agreement, an' you'll be hearin' from his attorneys!--Vice Pope Doug
Mom, it's the guy from the hair salon apologizing for the Jolly Green Giant cut.--Diggit
I don't know what it is Mommy -- it looks like it's from the future!--Vice Pope Doug
It's Gramma. Sounds like she's sayin' "It's swollen, and I can't get it up". That's silly! She's a girl!--Vice Pope Doug
Mom, I think you should be the one to explain to dad about needing only 12 buttons on a phone.--Hugh Jass
It's Daddy. He says he won't come home until you quit that Woman's Study class at the JC.--Jojo the Spiv
Mom, it's the tabloids again. They want to know how you fit into this whole Melissa Etheridge baby thing. Jeez, I told you that your new haircut was going to cause trouble!--ferret

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