DFC #9
(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)  (<<)  (<)  (>)  (>>)
  (?)    '?'

Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc.
Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc.

"Don't worry, son. Umps wear protective cups for that reason. I'm sure he won't file charges..."--Wes Flinn
Keep your chin up, son. I'm sure you'll find another boyfriend like Jimmy in no time.--Amber Dowlin
Just because you suck at baseball doesn't mean that I don't love you... it just means that I love you less.--Dave from Selected Hilarity
I'd like to tell you that it wasn't your fault that your team lost. I'd like to, but it IS your fault. What can I say? You sure as Hell are not my son, loser.--Moondog
Don't take it so hard, sport. I'm sure even major leaguers sometimes shit their pants when sliding into second base.--anon
I am sorry. You are too young to sit on my lap. Besides, I am drunker than a son-of-a-bitch!--anon
You're forgetting the inning you got on base after being hit in the neck by that fastball! I'm sure your teammates appreciated that. Lord knows I cheered...--Andy Ihnatko
Yes, you did play poorly, but for fun, I'll just unbuckle your seat belt now and we'll race through traffic until I feel better.--RobbyR
So we'll buy you a cup for next week's game. Cheer up! You won't need to really use your 'thing' for 10 years.--Harry G
I can't believe you lost by that much! What a bunch of sissies!--anon
I know you feel bad now son, but throwing the game made ol' dad a buttload of cash!--Mikael Behrens
You see, in prison you'll be what's known as a "bitch"....--anon
Son, how many times do I have to tell you!? My father was a loser, I'm a loser, you're a loser. It's as simple as that.--Rishmawy
Wipe the frown off your face. We'll tell mom the brown stain on your pants is from sliding in to home.--Yoman
Now remember Billy, if I buy you an ice cream cone, you're not going to tell Mommy how you got splinters in your rectum.--Ken D.
This'll teach the bastards not to bench my kid. Hang on Billy!--zazu
Billy, you ever seen a grown man naked?--Tim
You didn't lose because you can't hit the ball -- you lost cuz you throw like a girl!--anon
"'Stick it where the sun don't shine' is just an expression, son. Now, get that thing away from my face."--anon
...and I'm sick of hearing you whine about it. You don't hear ME complain when I get up and go to work every fuckin' morning with a hangover, do you?--Craig
Because I don't offer pitch missing, sissy, ragarm whiners a Lifesaver, that's why.--Iceman
"...and then, when that girl got you in the headlock, and started tweaking your nose? Damn, I thought I was gonna shit! Hohoho..."--John Hopkin
Son, if God had wanted you to catch that ball, you would have. It's that simple. So the question is not "Why did I botch that pop fly", but "What have I done to make God angry?" You haven't been touching yourself again, have you?--Pete B.
You may have lost, but your team looked good out there. Damn good. Especially your pitcher. Good fastball, nice perky buttocks . . . what was that boy's name again?--Pete B.
Angry, son? Let me teach you a little trick I used to do when I was a kid. I believe nowadays it's called "felonious vandalism..." But that makes it even more fun.--Vy Rothko
"Trust me, son. You just whack the cashier with the bat while I grab the cash." --C.Winstead
I can probably hit better than you, and I don't even have any goddamn eyes!--jade
...just because your team lost to the Catholic girls slow-pitch under-10's doesn't mean it's the end of the world, son! - (snicker)--GM
Don't let it bother ya, son! A couple of hours at the turkish baths and you'll be as right as rain!--zazu
Shit, did you see that hot lookin' bitch in the bleachers with the 40d's and cutoffs? --anon
So the coach said he doesn't have a uniform for Dolly, but she might as well take yours.--Blake
Don't cry, Billy. I didn't *mean* to hit Grandma. It's just that I can't see a damned thing through these glasses.--Lord G
So your team is the only team in the history of comics to be shut out by Charlie Brown. Buck up, laddo! You're in the history books!--Lord G
Heh, heh...cheer up, son. Just because you lost the home run derby to a girl doesn't mean you're any less of a man. It just means that I can never respect you again.--Lord G
Yeah, that little episode was emabarrassing an' you'll be emotionally scarred for life. That doesn't mean I'm not gonna put it in my strip!--zazu
You looked like a monkey fucking a football out there. What were you thinking?--anon
Billy..Take off your selt-belt..I want to see if the air bag is fixed!--anon
Hey butterfingers, why not make yourself useful and fetch me another beer outta the back seat!--anon
Yeah, it's against the law to drive 60 in town ... then again, so's sodomy.--Trism
Its OK son, don't feel guilty. So your dear ole' dad has to console himself with a bottle of whiskey because his son's a fucking loser.--kafka
Don't worry Billy, none of the other drivers can tell that neither of us have pants on.--Redheadsuckah
Look, Who's on first, What's on second, and I Don't Know is on third .... Get it?!--Gary Freeman

Back to the DFC Archive index