DFC #99 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
Whoo, I remember MY first christmas - I thought the egg nog would never run out! Even Dilbert looked good, but that turned out to be a big disappointment!--Yakko
Dad, Mommy says you can stop this reading bullshit. The social work lady just called and said she's not coming over this afternoon, after all.--anon
No, daddy, skip the elf shit. Get to the part where the fat dude pulls the B & E.--Kitten Head
So if being born in a barn is a bad thing, how did Jesus end up with so many followers?--Anastasia
can WE go stone non-believers too, Dad?--anon
Hey Daddy, look! My body looks strikingly like an eggplant! This'll make the Enquirer for sure!"--anon
"Nice job on PJ, dad. Like you always say, 'If it's too tough to draw, just forget about it.'"--anon
"Look at how cute you three are... I bet this is your first circle jerk!"--anon
Thanks for this shapeless gown, Dad, but I had been thinking more along the lines of Victoria's Secret when I asked for underwear for Christmas.--The Incorrigible Welshman
Look, I don't even care that you guys are all reading "Playboy" together. It's the manner in which you're concealing it that I find totally tasteless...--Kurt L.
Daddy, how come we don't get to blow up airplanes like other religions do?--Kurt L.
You mean to tell me that Mary was a virgin at the age of 33? Fer' Chrissakes, I had trouble holding out past my 5th birthday!--kafka
God knocked up some underage girl without her even knowing about it? Why the hell isn't the law going after this bastard?--Greg J
Generic DFC Caption #801 - Quick pull my finger before my head causes me to topple over!--Yakko
You know dad, I have learned how to read and this "make the story up to go along with the pictures to trick the kids into thinking that I am not illiterate" thing does not work anymore.--thhhhppt
"A virgin and three wise men? Not in THIS cartoon, lemme tell you!"--Mr. Clean
So Joseph got off the paternity rap by claiming it was God's kid? Good thing for him they didn't have DNA testing in those days, huh dad!--paTRICK heSTER
This black skirt is very stylish Dad, but it would look much better with your white lace blouse.--Zebra
Jeez Dad, it's bad enough seeing that little turd PJ's face on the milk cartons, didja have to go and get it monogrammed on your shirt?--ferret
You know what I want for christmas, Daddy? A background. A nice, simple background. Maybe a picture hanging on the wall. Perhaps a plant. I'm just so tired of living in this lifeless void that is your career.--ferret
Well, I see you've found the book where I hid Jeffy; that's two down, one to go. I think, however, your search for Billy is going to be a bit more.... uh, challenging. Tell me, how long do you think Billy can hold his breath?--ferret
What ever happened to that ol' myrrh-whore, Mary, anyway?--The Giant Zrk
Dad, why don't we lose this Judeo-Christian crap and get a real religion?--Church of the James Brownians
So while Mary was giving birth to Jesus, what was Joseph doing in the back of the manger with those sheep?--Don Spudleone
Suddenly Dolly realized why daddy always wore frosted glasses--from this one angle she could see he had the eyes of a killer, and was just waiting for the right moment to take out everyone in one final blaze of glory.--Ethelred
"Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Jerusalem?" Why didn't Joseph knock the piss out of her, like you do to Mommy when she rides your ass?--The Lawyer
Hey, this is great stuff! Did anyone buy the movie rights to this yet? It could be huge!--Kurt L.
Lets play a game! I'll be the Virgin Dolly, tied down in the barn. You can be the three wise men, bearing presents...--Dave the Fave
So if you believe in virgin birth, how come you went ballistic when I had my false alarm?--Anastasia
C'mon. Hurry up and get to the part where the Anti-Christ comes in.--Anastasia
Hey... In bible study class they never mentioned anything about Mary getting "done" by an "anthrax-ridden ox!"--Orion the Hunter
Read the part where God visits Mary in the form of a swan again, Daddy! --His Imperial Majesty
Zo, Papa, read again how ze Jews kill der Jesus... how we must join der Fuhrer in ridding der Fatherland of gypsies, mental defectives, and parasites!--orlando
Don't get me wrong, it's a cute story but it still needs some zip. How about a car chase?--zazu
So can we strap antlers to our heads and dance around blood sacrifices like they did in 'The First Christmas'?--orlando
So why didn't God have to pay child support for his bastard, like you have to pay for Dennis Mitchell?--The Lawyer
"Saved the MIDDLE of your lap for me, didn't you Daddy? And why is Mr. Winky peeking out?"--Mr. Clean
"Get those two amateurs off there, and lemme show you what a PROFESSIONAL lap dance feels like!"--Mr. Clean
As Dolly spoke, Bil just watched her mouth... those full pouty lips and soft tongue...--Evil Ed
Jesus' Daddy got a lot nicer after Jesus got born. Why didn't that happen to you?--Vice Pope Doug
"PJ looks remarkably happy considering that his lower half has been severed from his body... or is that just shock?"--anon
I just got that part about "the Holy Spirit came upon Mary."--Roy
You know, Daddy, I still haven't figured out how you manage to read through those totally opaque glasses..--The Outsider
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