DFC #79
(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)  (<<)  (<)  (>)  (>>)
  (?)    '?'

Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc.
Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc.

Okay. You're in the trance now. We can start your scientology auditing.--anon
OK, now that the kids are occupied, let's beam up to the bedroom and set the vibrator to stun!--Mark Elliot
As Keane tried to talk his sorry ass out of yet another "Billy was just picking up the soap, and I slipped.." routines, she prepared to stab him right through the heart with her nose.--anon
So, Those brats are whining for hamburgers? Fine. You get the hibachi fired up and I'll kill the dog.--Tazabby
Okay, I apologize for accusing you. But we've got to stop this fellow, what's his name, "Not Me," from calling 1-900-HOT-STUD.--Greg J
Wow! the kids were right! There isn't anything in there!--a little man from another place
When i count to three you will dance around naked and pretend you're Bob Dole.--a little man from another place
I know they're cute. And I know you like the little animal sounds they make in the bedroom. But honey, if it happens again, I'm calling the fucking child welfare people. Okay?--Bob Schmalfeldt
Aww, Thel, don't be such a wimp. The kids are all waiting... You know they would have caught PJ if Jeffy didn't have to sneeze... It's less than 20 yards... --KAF
Honey, let's tone down the steroids in the cereal a few grams; Billy's already KO'd a dozen Guardian Angels and Jeffy's growing a beard--on his forehead.--Ethelred
Billy, rotate the pod please...rotate the pod please, Billy. Okay, I don't think they can hear us. I'm a little worried about how they've been acting lately...--Sean
Look, I'm not accusing you of anything, but let's face it; no Mary Kay rep in the World, makes 300,000 a year!--zazu
..what Ted Kennedy and I do on our own time is one of your business, got it?--zazu
..I got a slutty dish rag whore for a wife, psychotic misshapen demons for children, a dead end career, Rob Petri's wardrobe and YOU have The BALLS to ask me, "Why do I drink?" --zazu
Jeffy was right about PJ's haircut. Every time he hears Wagner, he tries to burn down a synogogue!--zazu
..it's perfect timing, Thel. One grenade'll take out the lot of them. No more baby sitters..no more college funds..no more vaseline on the door handle..--zazu
..well look it this way:1 grenade + 4 college tuitions = 2 Mercedes 500SL convertibles!--zazu
"Right out that window are three reasons why...now should you call the abortion clinic or should I?"--anon
Baby, I don't know what turns me on more, those spectacular cans of yours, or the way your Speed-Racer-helmet hair looks when you go down on me.--Phil McCrevice
I don't care how much they whine. If you keep leaving food out for them, they'll just keep coming back to the house, so stop it.--Kurt L.
I called the police-told 'em we had midget prowlers-I love this bit.---nj
You are feeling horny ... you are feeling very horny ...--Kittycat
I command thee, Ida Know, in the name of the Almighty, to leave Thel's body!--Kittycat
If you tell anyone I couldn't get up last night, you can kiss Aruba goodbye.--Yuppie Scum
..Well, as long as THIS cartoonist is drawing THIS panel, THOSE luscious casabas are D-cups. Got that, Thel?--zazu
Now that you mention it, yes I would rather jerk off than fuck a cold, blood sucking, castrating banshee like you! --zazu
...and DOGBERT TOO?!?!?--zazu
Now honey...I said you could keep one of them...The rest are going to the white slavers.--DarkUrthe
Me?? I thought YOU wanted kids!--anon
My name is Al, and I'm a bilcohollic... name is Bil, and animal choleric... I'm an alka... a lush, an' I'm here 'cos o' my wife won' sleep with me no more.--Horselover Fat
Of course, I'm in the mood for sex, but Madame Brunhilde's "Pain Palace" dosen't open for another two hours.--Orion the Hunter
You know, Thel, seeing those neighborhood kids romp and play makes me wish that we had children. Huh, Thel? Thel? ...What'd I say?--Rotter
Madam, I may be drunk today, but you will still be ugly tomorrow.--Don Spudleone
And just remember: I can draw you with no fuckin' head at all, if I want to, capiche? Now bring me a beer.--Zenmaster
If we hurry, we can be in Guadalajara before they even know we're gone.--DMW
I know you've been lonely, but Dilbert?--DMW
I need things to go well tonight with my boss, so remember, no underwear!--anon
Pull my..aw fuck, am I sick of this shit!--zazu
....cuz she likes the free, wild, knock-down kookoo, groovy wind in her hair...that's why I'm leaving you , Bitch!--zazu
Look all I know is, the brat got a hold of the tape and her mom is very litigious!--zazu
And if I EVER catch you in bed with the electrician, my mom, a midget amputee and a poodle again ... that's IT!--Vice Pope Doug
Repeat after me: "I will take my Prozac. I will not try to kill my children"--Zebra
"That's it -- they're all outside! You lock all the doors and windows; I'll get your thigh-boots and a can of whipped cream!"--zedula
Honey, I shrunk the kids.--The Outsider
One more crack about my artistic abilities and I'll personally rip out those silicone implants!--Tazabby
"That's an idea, but remember what Hunter S. Thompson said: 'Tear gas slaps at the problem, but nerve gas solves it.'"--Paul T. Riddell

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