DFC #122 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
"Damn, where's Sigourney Weaver and a forklift when you need 'em?"--Paul T. Riddell
Go-go Gadget arms!!--Doc Evil
You'd be shaking too if you have seen Grandma and her friends playing "strip bridge".--Anastasia
Know what? Linus told me I couldn't get pregnant if I shook until his sperm fell out!--Tazabby
Alright Mommy, I'm just going to slowly back up. Now listen carefully: You are NOT a praying mantis, Mommy. I am NOT a young praying mantis. Now just calm down...--anon
I only had two double latte's mommy! Daddy had three and he's lying on the front lawn and twitching.--anon
Man, that new crossing guard is strict. And I almost flunked the breathalizer.--MechaGumby
Ya know, Thel... You could double your business when the sailors hit port if you do a little of this... If you keep laying there like a peice of liver, word will travel.--Orion the Hunter
I had to watch Jeffy's interperative dance, so you better well have the time to watch mine!!--The Incorrigible Welshman
Guess I can hold about a gallon of sperm, mom.--Psychobear
No, Mom. Straggled lines indicate pain. These are arcs of unfocused horniness.--ThreeSwords Delamitri
"Yeah, those damn aliens rectal-probed me again; you won't believe where they put the radio transmitter this time!"--Paul T. Riddell
That's the last time I let Dennis Mitchell play "Moby Dick" with me on his parent's waterbed!--Mo Cowan
It's my Muhammad Ali impersonation.--Jadie
Oh, sure, you think my dancing style is 'cute.' But everytime I twirl around like this after school, I make more than Billy does selling smack!--Pastor of Muppets
Oh, I'm just practicing walking like you so I'll be ready when I'm big enough to wear drop-dead-red stilletos too.--Half Pint
WHOAH!!! Didja feel that, Ma? The whole country just shifted to the right again!--Doc Evil
These invisible hula hoops are keeping off those bugs. I think you gave me one of Daddy's pills by mistake.--Dark shadow
Gosh, mom, you make flying look so easy, but I can't seem to get off the ground.--Diggit
You'd walk funny too after pulling the chain for the entire football team.--anon
This power walking works wonders - check out how HUGE my calf muscles are!--Tommy
Daddy was right! The DTs are fun after awhile!--Hoover Dam
Hi, mister Gorbachev! What're you doing way up here on this high wire, and dressed in that grass skirt? Damn! What was in Billy's Pepsi? --Orion the Hunter
If I can't get the damn thing out, how long before the batteries run down?--Gen. Sedgwick
It was Tommy's birthday today. For his treat he passed out Ritalin.--Bill
I wush able to pash the shobriety tesht jus' like thish!! Daddy failed, an' got belig-gerent like ushual, so they're beatin' the shit outta him with billy clubsh right now!--Vice Pope Doug
Hey Mom, does this look like Parkinson's to you?--Mark P
Who-o-o-o-o Too-oo-oo-oo-ook yo-o-o-o-our vi-i-i-i-i-bra-a-a-a-a-to-o-o-o-or? I-I-Ida-a-a-a kno-o-o-o-ow!--Riff
Whoa! I never thought I'd get this shit-faced in a drinkin' contest with PJ!--Riff
Yeah, mommy, just like this! Except, of course, daddy makes me take my clothes off and cover myself in vaseline...--Misanthropic Sociopath
HELP ME, I'M SHRINKIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!--Doc Evil
You'd shake like this too, if all you had for two weeks was coffee and diet pills...Waitaminnit...Why aren't you shaking?!--Dave the Fave
Watching those hunky electricians work on the telephone lines is cool, but when they say "Don't touch that", they mean it!!!--Dave the Fave
It's the "Funky Chicken." I'm surprised you don't remember it from your days as a coke-snorting disco slut!--Dave the Fave
Haven't you ever been humped so many times that you lose control of your extremities?--Dave the Fave
I'm not doin' it on purpose. It's the body lice. Now will you take me to the doctor?--Anastasia
``So then Daddy steps out from the car and walks the line, shaking like a leaf, like this. Then Roy moans "I'm gonna puke" from the back seat, and Daddy lets go, all over the cop. Your policeman friend has a really nasty smile, by the way.''--Rusty Russell
I got the part of the Junkie in the school play!--Nat Fairbanks
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