DFC #5 |
![]() |
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
Uh, Bil, they found our stash again.--ABrickShy
"Mother, you were right to tell me not to marry my own cousin."--t.p.
But when does it become *justifiable* homocide?--Roxanne LeReaux
God, you wouldn't believe how hot Jeffy can make me using a fly-swatter.--Roxanne LeReaux
Yes, I've already taken the pills. And I'd like....closed casket please.--anon
I've tried that, but they keep finding their way home.--anon
Okay. The pilot light is off, the gas is on, and I'll leave a candle burning in the living room. Remember to act upset when they call.--Blake
Hello, Vitae Society? ... Bite Me!--dt
Ted? Ted Ward? Why I haven't seen you since our freshman ye... Me? Well, you know, still living the simple single life, still waiting for that perfect someone.--anon
Um, yes, maybe you can help me... I hear you have a special on toddler-sized tombstones?--Gabriel Meister
"Damn it, Judy... send over that copy of It's a Wonderful Life NOW!"--anon
..oh yeah...do me you *yawn* hot stud..oh god you're so big...mmmm..harder...I'm coming... *cough*...oh yes...*yawn* ..yes.. --zazu
"Christ almighty, Susie, I take two seconds for a nooner with the mailman and the little bastards trash the place."--matt
I know that I'm slowly going insane, and that my life expectancy is dropping every second, but, let me tell you, it's worth it for that hefty welfare check.--anon
Bil? Next time you're feeling playful, go hop on Mary Worth. At least she's post-menopausal.--anon
"Screw the Pope, Bil. You're getting that vasectomy."--Jeffy
I swear to God, Bill, you bring any more sugar in this house ....!--anon
Wouldn't it be cheaper to have them all put in one casket?--anon
Hello Water Department? Have you had a report of anything strange in the water?--Lisa Kendrick
Bil's not home right now, he's stalking that guy who's been dissin' his strip.--Bil Keane
I've got P.J. in a choke-hold now, then Jeffy's gonna' get a fly-swatter enema.--Roy Olsen
Sorry, but I gotta go! Billy sawed my arm off with a broken plate, and P.J.'s probably gonna have my leg off in a few seconds.--Magus
Better Business Bureau? Yes, I'd like to register a complaint about a new product called "Flintstones Chewable Crystal Meth for Kids" . . .--Pete B.
"Hello? 9-1-1? Help me fast! I'm getting gang-raped by my own little brats!!!"--AK
Bil, I said "rid of them", not Ritalin!--TCK
Rhythm Method *this*, Father Murphy!--Kittycat
All right! If you kids don't settle down, a little someone named PJ will get morning's worth of whiz right on the noggin!--Kittycat
"Mommy, look at P.J.! Freud was right!"--anon
Prozac! Take me away! -- Justin Greene--anon
I'm sorry, what was that? I was thinking about the child that I'm killing with my knees.--retsaM spoO
For all his concern with the south, Faulkner was actually seeking out the nature of man.--anon
Back to the DFC Archive index