DFC #423
(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)  (<<)  (<)  (>)  (>>)
  (?)    '?'

Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc.
Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc.

You were right, mom. Sitting next to the Asian kid who writes real big helps a lot!--Judgement Night
See? I always do good on tests when I wear my lucky corsette.--anon
"Kinda shows you how far three throbbin' inches of Keane kielbasa can get you, huh?" --Hang Lose
Well..what in the hell are you waiting for? Get a fuckin' magnet and put the motherfucker on the fridge, bitch!--R.J.M.
The ads say "Get your kids Hooked on Phonics." I say, "Get your Teacher Hooked on Heroin."--Argyle
"Nah, I didn't study . . I just hid the answers on the inside of my helmet."--Hang Lose
"It's called a ' 'strainin' order', now if you'd kindly back up another 99 yards"--Rodney
"You have to suck a lot of dick to get a grade that nice... but look who I'm telling! You were Valedectorian, weren't you?"--snackwhore
"Actually, I only scored a 45, but then Mr. Jenkins whipped it out, and...hey, I'm no fool."--Cranky Bear
"I was going to lower the score because you spelled your last name incorrectly, but then I thought about how traumatizing it is for me to write it, and I gave you the pity points."--snackwhore
Thel could have sworn that Billy got a 10%, but she must have been sleepy. Veeery Sleepy.--Mr. ?
I got a hundred. NOW do you love me?--Spammy
Well, with grade inflation the top score was 5,000.--Nea, Nea, Nea
"... and this is a list of all our loyal readers. No, there's not 100 of them -- that just the age of the youngest one."--Helder
Famous Moments in Young Republicans for Jesus history: Even though his list put 100 godless communists out of commision for good, Billy asked for no reward other than the pure, sweet love of his mother. Here is a true Hero!--Stan Xhiao
"That femi-nazi, chalk-sniffing bitch actually bought that 'fragile-Y' chromosomal crap Dolly told me about."--Twomp
And if you think that grade looks convincing, you should see what I'm doing with fake IDs these days!--Andrea
Thel knew she'd slipped into a parallel universe when she saw Billy had a perfect grade, was wearing pants, and didn't use "fuckin'" twice in each sentence.--Andrea
It's my computer project on spreadsheets. I queried the database of all the men you have slept with and sorted by left-handed, one-eyed, Haitians with receding hairlines. That page is last names starting with "Z."--Coyote
"I've got a little suprise for you, mom," smiled Billy, as he fingered the trigger of his revolver.--E.Novak
I'm sorry Ms. Keane, but that's the best deal I can give you on the car. Of course, there other ways to blow a few dollars off the price, if you know what I mean.--paTRICK heSTER
These are the 1:00 PM clients. Think you can squeeze em all in? Oh, sorry. Bad choice of words.--Kal
I knew Billy had studied all week for that test - and I knew he'd earned that perfect grade. But the way his face fell when I told him that 'God hates cheaters' was just priceless. -- Thelma Keane, Guilty Pleasures.--Westur the Unspeakable
...The bad news is that only the Feds have access to smack this pure. Keep "Senor Ignatowski" busy while I round up Frank and Marco, OK?--Rotter
...and with an SAT score like that, I can take my pick! DeVry...ITT Tech...Bryman Institute! The world is my oyster!!!--Rotter
...and all hundred are either active members of, or active recruiters for, known Communist-backed organizations. Please give my regards to the Senator, along with my assurances that...--Rotter
"That moron Schindler didn't know when to stop, but I trimmed the list some."-- Crazy Climber
Hell, that's nothin'. After seven years in this house I could teach sex ed.--Gen. Sedgwick
It's for the new book I'm writing. I'm thinking of calling it The 100 Stupid Things Mommy Did To Fuck Up Our Family.--bobo
"As you can see, 100% of the people surveyed believe that Jeffy should be killed in his sleep."--Helder
Dressed nicely, well behaved, good grades. Who replaced my kid with Elroy Jetson? Thel wondered.--Monkey Punch
"Mott the Hoople's Too Short Arms is mine. Yours is Tryin' To Grow A Chin by Frank Zappa. The teacher really liked the list of personal theme songs I turned in!"--Secret Agent Man
"It's Elle's list of 100 things to wear other than stretch pants. I thought you might need it."--Monkey Punch
"See, I am adopted!"--Eric the Black
"Wow, I didn't realize it was that cold in here!"--Helder
"Actually, I bombed the test, but I made the teacher do my bidding with this sweater made out of Jeffy's Hypno-Hair!"--Pete, recycling Riff, recycling Mr ?
"My report card was the breast in class!"--Randall
Didn't know P.S. 42 even taught " Animal Husbandry, " did ya?--Doc Evil
Well, it certainly wasn't for dressing myself, that's for certain!--Doc Evil
See, I told you there was only one "T" in "matricide".--Reverend S. Michael Wilson
"Mr. Jenkins still thinks he needs to talk to you about my grades. And he said wear something tight."--Helder
Thel glanced at the page looking for pictures, like on the Denny's menu. After a few brief moments she blurted out, "I'll have the special."--Buzz Lightbeer
Sorry, mom, but we're still one fucking dalmatian short!--Cryptique
Only one thing to do, thought Thel, Polish it till all that nasty writing's removed.--Ken
Once I figured out which voice in my head to listern to, the rest was easy.--Spaang!
In a bizarre coincidence, Billy Keane's enemies list was virtually identical to Richard Nixon's -- except for the addition of Not Me.--Coalcracker
"Whew! I'm finally through checking the archives. Now we know for a fact that there are 100 things that can fit up PJ's ass."--Hang Lose
Not that it was easy writing with my foot. Find the keys to the 'luv-cuffs' yet?--Octophile
The gods must love me or somethin'... every word was one from one or another of Jeffy's goddamn T-shirts!--Horselover Fat
Admit it. I make you wet, don't I?--NME (what the heck)--

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