DFC #433 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
Here we see Dolly applying a variation of the "Hertz Donut" called the "Dieyoufuckin Bastardwhywontyoudie". --Hang Lose
Dolly, in a cute but deadly mispronunciation, chokes the chickenshit.--munkiman
Even as Dolly pleaded for his life, Billy smelled a rat. The bitch had set him up. Being caught en flagrante delicto was just a part of her sick, twisted scheme, and now Aaron Hill was coming at him with a shiv. --The Lesser Gatsby
The original "shirts off" version of this scene is kept in a secret file at the Vatican.--The Lesser Gatsby
"Look, Kittycat's contract ran out 12 panels ago, and this kid was begging to have his breath stolen."--Stealth
"Dolly had been warned a million times not to awaken Billy after a vodka and Percodan binge, but as usual she was too stupid to listen. Bil had to hock the car to pay for the reconstructive surgery." Thelma Keane, Polishing a Turd: My Life with Bil, 4th Ed.--Eric the Black
Billy! That creepy house across the street is staring at me again! Make it stop! Damn you, make it stop!!!--Otis
"Rosebud? What the fuck is Rosebud?"--Stan "Citizen Stan" Xhiao
Dammit, Dolly! Billy thought. I'm finally just one bullet away from freedom! Stop begging Dad to put the gun down!--Rotter
Ohhhhhh...now I know why he's still alive: when I calculated the dosage, I forgot to factor in his enormous ass.--Rotter
"God, I love it when your eyes smolder like that. No! I mustn't look. Our love is forbidden, William, you magnificent son of a bitch."--Talisker
"Quick, get the mouthwash -- this may be our only chance!"--Helder
Then he had an idea. An awful idea. Little Billy had a wonderful, awful idea!--Pete
Mom, what's a cute way to mispronounce "autoerotic asphyxiation?"--NME--
"Is that true Thel? You suck cocks in hell?"--Faux Pas
"Hurry, Jeffy, find the shunt plug! He's about to blow!"--Stan Xhiao
This is too what Jesus would do!--Ken
He's got the worm, Ma!--Kevy
Oh, that's right. My bad. I forgot we needed a virgin for the sacrifice.--Judgement Night
Billy, hide me under the bed. If the anyone asks, I was with you all day yesterday.--Judgement Night
"He's having a grand mal frénésie de jeu de dik! Somebody get a pencil under his tongue!"--Pete
"Dammit! Who gave Billy the gamma rays?"--Pete
It's true, Jeffy! It's small but it's there . . . he's got a neck! Paint up some signs; the strike begins now!--Stefan Jones
"Wow, you don't have a pulse, either! No wonder we haven't aged a day in over 40 years!"--Helder
"My hand -- trapped under the weight of the monstrous Billymelon! Run! Save yourselves!"--Stealth
"Sorry, Roy, I thought you'd skipped your timeslot this morning."--Stealth
"Hey, Bil, better call the doctor - looks like the head pipe's startin' to fray a little!"--Svingen
"Knock it off, Thel. We both know I'm doin' him a favor."--Dave Matthews, Caption Salvager
Everyone, watch! Sub-Zero taught me a new trick!--Rev. Evil Ed
Daddy! Make him spit! I was promised a snowball, and dammit I'm going to get one!--Tailgate
Look out! Dad's awake, sober, and has a clean shave! Something big's happening!--Peter Kurten '31
Volcano 2: Erupt Harder-- When Not Me tries to pin the blame on the kids one time too many, Billy's about to blow his top. You'd better believe that ghost is toast!--Ken
"Just looking for Pez. Why?"--scoob
"I don't know what's worse. . the fact that he's ten and this is his fourth overdose, or that I'm six and know exactly what to do . . now gimme 4 cc's of adrenaline, STAT!"--Hang Lose
Note to self: Don't wake up Billy with a Dutch oven ever again!--Andrea
Hey, if you'd burned yourself yesterday playing with fire, been bitten by an animal you'd been torturing, and woke up on a piss-soaked mattress, you'd wanna kill people, too!--Andrea
"Talk to the ponytail!"--justiz
Bil Keane's Alien: Dolly gnaws her way out of Billy's stomach.--Bad Girl
"Shit! I think I interrupted the Bleeth/Love-Hewitt dream again. Get the tazer! Get the tazer!"--Orbo
Caught in the act, and captured on a FC panel no less, everyone thought Dolly was headed to prison. Luckily for Dolly the old man she "pleasured" yesterday in the amusement park bathroom just happened to be Johnny Cochran.--Lt. Dan
Keane Kollector Plate #137: Dyke With Finger in Little Dutch Boy, limited to 30 firing days.--Stan Xhiao
In David Brin's universe it takes millenia to uplift a caption from red to green. But in his latest novel, when the wolfling humans try to uplift "sperm-bruping gutter slut" within a matter of days, they quickly find an alien armada massed against them.--Ken
Feels like a big hairball this time.--Gen. Sedgwick
He's flatlining, can I have his room?--Uncle Roy
Damn! It always works when Xena does it!--the skyclad answer
"OK..I've made the tracheal incision, now....Crap! Another commercial..."--Don Cabron
Hey Bil, you were right; Billy's pecs are implants!--Robbbbb
"I'm not shitting you. It's right on the chart. 'Blunt Force Trauma to the Melon.'"--The Lesser Gatsby
Just as I thought. Thel, I told you to buy iodized salt.--Gen. Sedgwick
"My God, Dr. Morgan, you're right! Underneath all that fat, he's developing THEL-NECK!!"--anon
Realizing that Billy was choking, Dolly quickly rolled him over, and in one of theose cute mispronounciations, applied the Heinie Lick maneuver. --Rev B
"Hey kids! Don't get Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis like my brother, Billy. It's real bad." - A Bil Keane PSA for the "Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis and Other Trendy Diseases Foundation"--bobo
Family Circus collectable plate #84 - 'Trachial Contusion'.--Westur the Unspeakable
Yup, looks like a corroded catalytic converter. Jeeter, d'you get me that Hollowell wrench and jack this puppy up a couple more notches? I think we're gonna need to do a full flush and fill.--Orrin Bloquy
"Billy-Jo! Billy-Jo! Daddy's a comin', and he's got a jug of moonshine and his varmint gun! Looks like we're gettin' hitched!." -- From Bil Keane's failed strip, Hillbilly Hijinx--Coalcracker
"Was that squeeze then twist, or twist then sqeeze?"--Helder
But he won't accept Jesus as his lord and savior, Mommy! I have to kill him!--Shampoo
Mom?...I got my finger stuck in Billy's trachea ring again! --Fonix "jungleboogie" 13
But I wanted to be firstborn!--Mr. ?
What shiv?--Mr. ?
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