DFC #32
(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)  (<<)  (<)  (>)  (>>)
  (?)    '?'

Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc.
Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc.

Mommy, tell me again why you took thalidomide when you were pregnant with me.--The Outsider
You sure have a nice ass, Mom. If I could fit a bag over your head, I'd do you myself!--Roy
C'mon Mom. Do we have to see another Pauly Shore movie?--Bryan Sykora
Last time they ran the movie backwards by accident. The cumshots looked really weird.--anon
Aww, Mom! You KNOW I can't eat popcorn wearing handcuffs!--anon
Do you even KNOW what they put in those hot-dogs?--Bob Anonymous
As big as your butt is, do you *really* think you should be eating those Milk-Duds?--Bob Anonymous
My arms got stuck in those cup-holders. I had to gnaw my hands off to get loose.--Bob Anonymous
Wow! Your butt grew just from ORDERING the buttered popcorn!--anon
I made a poopie.--Judge Dredd
I bet Bambi's mom was delicious.--DMW
Wow! Concession stands in a porno theater. Who 'da thunk it?--Hugh Jass
So, the float spell finally wore off, did it?--Chadly X
I'm trying out one of those Wonderbras. Does it look like I have hooters?--panicboy
So what I'm guessing is that Daddy had a bunch of ink that was about to go bad, and viola - this cartoon was born.--Craig
Mommy, why do those freaks at the DFC automatically think this is a porno theater?--Craig
You know, this business of you dropping popcorn in my lap so you can pick it up with your tongue is getting kinda old.--Capt. phealy
You get the food. I'm gonna go drain a vein against that wall over there.--paTRICK heSTER
Good news, bitch. They restocked the "Love Rocket 69,000" in the bathroom dispenser.--Friend of Tone Csernak, Hungarian Stallion
I know death-row executions are getting popular, but refreshment stands?--Trism
I have alerted security, Mom, and hinted that a full cavity search may be necessary. Have fun.--Lord Gek
Mom you know it gives me a stiffy when you pose like that!--Jon
You better leave Sally the waitress a big tip - I pooped on the seat again.--BK
Mom, we've already seen "Sons and Lovers" six times. I think I get the point.--anon
You promised we'd swich one day, and now I'm cashin' in - now give me that ticket to "Brass Knuckle Justice" - YOU can go see "101 Dalmations!"--BK
Look, there's no two ways around it. Bil Draws me and the rest of the kids to look like dorks while he set you up with great boobs and a butt that just won't quit.--Nat Fairbanks
Mom, No. Please, no popcorn! You know how it gives you gas and I don't.... euw, Mom! Is it ok if I don't sit next to you in the movies?--BK
O glorious posterior, O rounded, perfect, silken orbs of promised flesh that writhes within its tenbrous sheath.... oh, sorry mom.--The Sandman
What've I got in my hands? Oh, nothing, nothing at all! Certainly not any little marzipan oddities from the erotic bakery over there! Nope, not me!--patrik
ANOTHER beer? You're just trying to loosen me up, aren't you!--patrik
Hi! I'm not wearing any underwear!--patrik
Mommy, how come daddy gets all the copyrights to the stuff I draw?--Yakko
Mom, you know I don't need that many condoms for my school trip! Teacher doesn't like how they feel anyhow.--John Longarrow
What do you mean I'll grow into them?! My legs have been the same length for as long as anyone can remember! Why can't I buy pants that fit!?--BK
Mommy, I just kyped a rock that looks to be about a D in color and at least VVS in clarity; if you walk out of the store with me quietly right now, I'll never ask for allowance again!--VPD
I didn't even *know* the Pussy-Cat Theater had a children's matinee.--Fork
Why are you looking at me like that? Aw Mom, you're not going to try and trade me for some Milk Duds again, are you?--Fork
See that over there mom? That's the Muppets new movie, see how the kids are going in there? That's a movie you take your children to, but no, all we watch are films that I can't spell and much less pronounce.--Kelvin Cabrera-Castellar
Hey mom, can I get the... HAAAAAGGGH! Cripes! PLEASE go see an exorcist or chiropractor PRONTO!--MrNeutron
"I love these 'Parent-child' porno nights! Got a dollar? I want to buy that girl by the bathroom for an hour."--Felix W.
Red Hook double-black stout for me, please.--ewhac
"Would you be mad if I told you I accidentally set the walls of the bathroom on fire?"--Felix W.
There it was again. She knew she wasn't hallucinating this time. They were here. And they were using that goofy kid as a decoy. Well, it won't work *this* time, she thought. "Come here, kid," she said quietly, as she flipped off the safety of her .45.--Felix W.
"Why bother? You're just going to bring it back up in five minutes anyway."--Larry Hastings
Are you buying one of those lolly pops shaped like my pee-pee?--Pastor SWIGGY of the Church of SPAM
Why do they have a movie consession stand in the middle of this museum? Why am I staring at your butt? This makes no sense, Keane. --anon
I only asked why Raisinettes are so *&#@ expensive at the movies. It's a VALID question!--BK
Them underalls sure is workin', ma.--zed
We took a vote: It's 'Satyricon' or nothin'.--8R
She knew from the glazed blank stare on Jeffy's face, and that characteristic oval-shaped gauking mouth, that he had shit his pants again.--kafka
Many people are now saying that Hollywood is poisoning the well of society by negatively influencing people's behavior by glamorizing violence and hiding behind artistic licence. If I kill you after this movie, I can't be blamed. Do you understand that?--BK
Hey, sister, how 'bout you tell that loser husband of yours that we'd be more independent if we were taller. If I were ordering, she'd think she was hearing voices inside her friggin' head!--BK
O.K. Now, you hand her the five and ask her for two tens . . . --anon
I want to impress my friend over there. Would it be alright to call you "Bitch" instead of "Mom"?--THX-1138

Back to the DFC Archive index