DFC #227 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
"Well, what have I got left, you ask? My perspective. Strike two, Bil." From "The Dysfunctional Family Watchman:Rorschach In Jail"--croonch croonch
I could care less whether you get the blockage out -- I put some metallic sodium in an emptied-out gelcap and flushed it down that toilet 5 minutes ago. So, you see, it's coming out whether you like it or not.--Pyro-phil (don't try this at home)
No, Bil, I think 'I like to skwish the poo poos with my toes' is a *fine* caption, might even get you another 'red star', but most of those DFC losers just type in their captions, rather than acting them out first...--(I hope,,,)
"I know it's a bad time, but have you considered putting a condom dispenser by the door? You'd make a fortune in this location..."--Paul T. Riddell
"So............ do I really have to grow up to be like you or what?"--Bil's Drinkin' Buddy
We've had a tornado, a riot, and now a flood. I think the disaster theme has gone far enough, don't you?--Peon
I don't like my seat here, it's too hard... Got any stool softener?--Doc Evil
"Oh wait, nevermind. It's in my pocket."--Heath
"The dream was always the same: The toilet as a porcelain butter churn, Daddy the fetching Milk Maid, and I the lonely farm hand." - excerpt from "Keane There, Done That" by Jeffery Keane--wombat
I trust you, Daddy. Not like Billy, Dolly and Mommy. They're downstairs building an ark.--Anastasia
Sorry to distract you from your latest assignment Mr. Fixit, but should I go tell Mom to cancel the rest of the 'Time-Life Do it yourself' series?--bobo
Just curious...is there a reason that the toilet is the best drawn object in the entire house?--Jim Smith
"I was going make some toilet joke that would have sent me to the red zone for sure, but then I noticed your hair looks like a smurf hat. Look Mister "Cartoonist," I've got two words for you--re-fucking-tire." ---Jester
I know, I know...you're gonna blame the blockage on all the rejected captions!--Mr. Ben (597?!!)
I'm getting tired of this little "Huck Finn" fantasy of yours. Unless you want to hand me the "barge pole" and let me be "Jim" for a little while, that is.--Schickelgruber
I know! No more golf in the bathroom! Sheesh, a guy tries to have some fun sometimes....--Mr. Ben
"Dad, I know this isn't the best time for a question, but who would win this fight; a rottweiler, or a rottweiler's weight in chihuahuas. Now keep in mind that the rottweiler is smothered in taco sauce....."--jedi mind trip
Well, it was almost dead. Can I get a puppy now?--Vice Pope Doug
Congratulations, Dad. I think you've created a 100% Difficult Zone panel.--Owell
Where's your God now Mr. Cartoon Evangelist? --Blue Gargantua
Human excrement? You're soaking in it!--Blue Gargantua
Bil's first attempt at sculpture, "Porcelain Rapture", meets a tragic end.--jedi mind trip
I'm telling you, there isn't any down there! It wasn't this toilet, and it was a fantasy sequence anyway! Sheesh, we never shoulda let you watch Trainspotting.--Joe Klein
See your problem is that the plunger is too small and stiff to get a good seal. What you need is something more puffy and bulbous, with a good textured surface for gripping and... Hey, what are you looking at me like that for?--Norm DePlume
....and I hope you do beat whoever is responsible for this into next Tuesday! And, uh, if you find a kiddie golf club down there that says "Jeffy", it's, uh, Billy's.--Ultra-Girl
"It was the right decision. That fern was getting too damned uppity."--DieBilDie
"You should have seen it -- my 3-wood fairway approach shot goes right in the hole! It was a double eagle!"--Namgubed the Happy Gilmore
I take it Cleo's arrival in goldfish heaven has been delayed.--Gen. Sedgwick
Why worry about it? It's not as if we were atomtomicly correct or anything.--Bubba
"I don't know what came over me. It's just that Raffi make me go out of MY MIND!!!!!!!!!!!"--sINad
Hey buddy, I've been doing the high cuffs for years, get yer own schtick.--Dogbowl
Man, if there's anything worse than the toilet backing up, it's the toilet backing up during mom's "heavy flow" period.--nonentity
"I'm sorry! I panicked. I coulda swore that I heard 'em say, ATF!, not 'hey, Jeff!'"--phonsux
"Maybe this will teach you: the Keane intestinal tract and 'Taco Night' don't mix."--Shifter
One word, Dad. Roughage.--S.
If you find any body parts, I didn't do it.--Bubba
"Listen, pop... You and I both know that this is gonna be the most copro-centric red zone ever. I say we knock this one off right now and make another joke about our inability to pronounce "spaghetti." 'Kay?--Nobody at all
"If we can't get PJ out by suppertime, can I have his Jello?"--mutantdog
Hey, look on the bright side! That "Born Loser" hack could never draw a toilet that good!--Mighty Owl
Instant Difficult Zone - Just add water!--anon
"Look, if I hadn't flushed the two kilos we'd be in the slammer right now and a big guy named Bubba would be doing to you what you're doing to the damn toilet."--shred
"Dad, do you think that just be putting a toilet plunger, a mysterious puddle, your bare ankles, both our plump asses, furniture, shading, reflections, "No-Eyeball" glasses (TM), my hypno-hair, and a stool next to the toilet (like THAT's not an obvious pun!!) all in this circle at once, you can keep people from noticing your cheap toupee? Dream on!--Steevie
I believe your quote was "Fuck the Sewer Bill, what are they gonna do, shut it off?"--Radio Show
So does this mean PJ's gone for good?--Ratman
What the fuck did you expect me to do? I've got 3 keys of fine Peruvian flake, and I see the goddamn cops coming. You shoulda told me you an' Uncle Roy were playin' "Dress Up"--BretttMaverick
I've never seen the real plumber do that. Although, now that I think about it, I've never seen the real plumber in the bathroom, either.--BretttMaverick
The Bil Kean Weight Loss Plan: After eating large meal, look at son. Vomit. Rinse and repeat.--Stiles
"If you knew what was in there, you would not be barefoot."--Namgubed the Merry Elf
What's going on here, first violence and Keene household, now a toliot shot? Is Bil doing the story boards for Married with Children?--Joe Breeden
Bill demonstrates fire walking's poor relation - ritual sewage walking - to a rapt Jeffy.--not elsie
Because they were all sick of wearing your dammed checkered clothes, that's why!--Westur the Unspeakable
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