DFC #30 |
![]() |
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
So that's why the mail's always late!--anon
'Ludes. Last of th' 'ludes...--anon
I wonder where the mailman is.....my ass is feeling.....unused.--Superdan
...And there goes Dolly running by again. ...And there goes Daddy hobbling after her with his pants around his ankles again...--Tuktoyuktuk Head
Hey, it's hailing again! Boy, I'll bet Dolly wishes I'd unlock the door and let her back in the house *now*.--Tuktoyuktuk Head
That Rottweiler's got P.J. again, Mom.--Tuktoyuktuk Head
Huh. Perspective has been thrown off and distorted to hell outside, too.--Friend of Tone Csernak, Hungarian Stallion
Oooh, Mrs. Wilson, I'd like to fertilize your garden . . Oh, yeah, down on all fours, sweatin' 'n diggin' . . Whoa mommma!--anon
Some days I stand here for hours contemplating my existence in the DFC, and I thank God Mommy won't let me near anything sharp.--Bill Hunter
I wish that stupid Don King would stop hanging around in our flower garden.--Bill Hunter
Even my personal psychic told me to just give up.--Kraken
Mommy, daddy's fisting barfy again!--anon
Nobody understands my pain. I'm forced to say phony sugary one-liners by my own father, and forced to say disgusting, sadistic, and perverted things by complete strangers. Nobody cares what I really want to say.--Greg J
Whoa, Daddy's pulling up the weeds and throwing them in the fire like there's no tomorrow. Dolly, did you tip off the DEA again?--Greg J
Hey, does my butt look a little puffy to you? How about with the light like this? No? How 'bout this way?--anon
It's no wonder that I can't get laid. The tumors on my scalp are starting to show.--THX-1138
I wish the whole world would just burn... burn... burn...--Original DFC
Damn! Even Ziggy looks better than I do today.--Amber Dowlin
Better bring the Brillo pads, Mom - that woman's frantic claw-like scratches marked up this window pretty good.--Craig
Daddy, I see both a burning bush and fire and brimstone raining down from the heavens; what does that mean?--Craig
Forget about callin the cops Mom, I just found dad asleep in the flower bed again. Looks like he tagged a few parked cars on the way home last night too! --anon
Mommy! The dotted line is trying to break in through the window! It's after me!--Magus
I sent in the original caption and it didn't even make the stupid list. (sigh). I gotta get a better writer.--anon
Mommy,daddy's wandering around outside with the rifle again.--SPAZZAMAJAZ
So Daddy bent me over the table like this... and Billy told me to open my mouth like this... and the next thing I remember is waking up on the ground with the two of them high-fivin' each other.--Scumby
Hmmph. I remember when it would take at least a blowpop for Dolly to get into a strange man's car.--Spiral X
Hey Dolly, Barfy's attacking the kid in the wheelchair again.--Felonious Monk
Oh, Ennui! Will you ever loose your grasp of me?--anon
*Sigh* Maybe if I disguised myself as a duck, I could get a transfer to the Far Side.--Greg J
It's sure been a boring summer, ever since Charlie Brown kicked me off his baseball team for banging his sister.--Kurt L.
I sit at home and watch the tube, but nothin's on... I changed the channel for an hour or two...--Kurt L.
Peasants, peasants all!--anon
Man, I've got to whiz in the worst way, but Mrs Robert forgot to close the curtain to her bedroom before she got in the shower. Whoa Mama!--Doolittle
Hmmmmm, two stories. Nah, I'd probably still survive.--matt
Continuing our Comix Collectibles half-hour here on QVC, we have the latest in the DFC Collectors' Plate series. It's item 18726, entitled "Jumped, Or Pushed?"--Andy Ihnatko
Must...open...window......Carbon...monoxide...level...dangerously...high...--Dark Roger
Number Five is escaping the compound. Have him followed--discreetly, of course--and report his progress to me. He must not be allowed to thwart our plans.--panicboy
Yeah Mom, I'm still angry at Daddy 'cause he draws us all like hobbits...--Magus
Mom! You're gonna have to find another source for crack! The Hendersons just got raided.--Phaze
Y'know, if I had a schlong THAT big, I'd sunbathe nude too.--Phaze
So how come I only get one dollar a week for an allowance, but the Brinks truck comes daily for Dolly?--Jon Davidson
Mommy, Billy's chasing the dog again. And this time he has a scalpel.--Mr. Groovy
Oh, great. We're being carpet-bombed again.--anon
Look mom! You can see all the way to Ziggy from here!--Incoherency
Hey Mom! The Vice Squad is picking up Dad again.--NCB
Shit! I've been trying for half an hour. Why do they make windows so hard for amputees to open?--anon
That one...that one too..oh, I might spare her after the revolution...but not her...--anon
Some days I feel like a woman trapped in a deformed cartoon boy's body.--anon
You know those dotted lines never go away. The whole yard it littered with them! It's like a pre-pubescent trailer park!--Origami Duck
*sigh* I wish Mrs. Bumstead would ride me like a dime store pony.--zazu
Our cable system must really suck. This is the fourth time the repair guy's been here this afternoon. --zazu
OH shit, Here comes Dondi with a bottle of Stoli's and a stack of his old comic strips. I gotta hide. --zazu
Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?--Toozday
"Cops are coming again, Dad."--Mr. Clean
Wham! Car wins! Fatality! All right, Dolly, now for round two. Dolly?--!
What the hell are you looking at? Did I ask to walk around and say cutsy things? No! I'm just staring out the window. Nothing cute here! Move along, move along.--!
One day, you all will bow down berfore my greatness! But, for now, I shall be content to give you all rasberries. Tphh!--!
"Thaaat's right. You don't want any nasty ol' tan lines. Nobody's lookin... Just take it off."--Blake
Want her...did her...want her...want her...did her...--Roy
Triangulated crossfire....he'll never see it coming.--anon
"With that Italian piece of shit you own, Oswald? From here? I got a fiver that says you can't."--Mister Sinister
Golly. I filled my pants 2 hours ago and no one seems to notice.--Bill Hunter
Damn Charlie Brown...won't let me hang with his stupid gang...well, I'll show him..Just like I showed that little bastard Calvin and that stupid tiger...--anon
Thanks, mom, those twenty Xanax hit the spot.--Stephen Granade
"Son of a bitch... I DO look like the milk man."--Jeffy
It certainly is difficult to open a window ever since I fell into the wheat thresher.--Phil McGroin
Sure, they banned me from the cock fights, but they still can't keep me from placing my bets.--Boschcat of the Apocalypse
Oh oh...naked ugly man is mowing his lawn again.--Jon Davidson
Billy grew tired. He had been stuck to the window by his lips for 4 hours now. Someone should have helped him by now. But no. they all just laughed and laughed.--Felix W.
Y'know, I bet he'll sue for THAT.--Vy Rothko
"...yes, I remember the Road Warrior: the man we called Max."--Paul T. Riddell
"...cuz Iiiiiiiiiii ain't got no body! No body!"--Paul T. Riddell
If this weren't the ground floor, I'd jump through the window in a second.--DMW
You know, it's funny, I must be the only one who doesn't mind being in the DFC.--Kelvin Cabrera-Castellar
You know, if I weren't so entertained by it, I would actually try and help that mailman that's being attacked by our pit bull.--Kelvin Cabrera-Castellar
Wow! Who knew Mr. & Mrs. Wilson were into bondage!--Meli O'Girl
Hmm, yes. She will be a good candidate for our sacrifice, no wait! That one is even better!--!
Hey Dolly! Come look at this! Our house is lifting off again!--!
You'd think the mailman would know better by now.--Natasha
"When they come back, I hope they bring me one of those hats with mouse ears on it."--Tim Harrod
What am I looking at? It's not as if Keane is going to draw anything outside the window. --Prime Time
Back to the DFC Archive index