DFC #335 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
"Okay, who ordered a prostitute?! ....oh shit, sorry Mom, I didn't quite recognize you at first."--JoJo the Idiot Circus Boy
"Adolf Hitler says barbecuing is gross. Adolf Hitler says women should dress with more modesty. Adolf Hitler says ..."--Heath
Mom, I told you that human ribs are much too fatty. You should just have made round steaks from the legs and used the rest for soup!--Werehamster
"Mom, Barfy's usin' one of your belts as a collar again..."--Bob Petty
Although PJ ran as fast as he could to clock her a good one, a solid kick to the head from Thel quickly silenced Dolly's rendition of "The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow."---Jester
My god! How on earth did you ever sqeeze my insanely large melon head through a tiny little birth canal like that??--munkiman
Well alls I'm sayin is if daddy hadn't bet on the Bills, we wouldn't have to live in the park, foraging through other peoples barbacues. --Treb
Kindly get your tit out of the Boboli.--The late Winslow Leach
We've secretly replaced PJ with a small, bipedal primate. Let's see if anyone cares!--Magus
You haven't seen my left arm, have you? PJ found three fingers, but so far that's it.--Gen. Sedgwick
Saaaay, if Barfy's still here, then what the hell are we barbequing?--RipperJak's Back
"Gosh, this is the bestest day of my whole life! I wish I could stay seven forever!"--Heath
Mr. Bernstein wants to know if the hot dogs are kosher. Did we skin Jeffy with the same knife we killed him with?--Bill, walking that line...
Mom, I forgot how we tell which burgers aren't laced with arsenic!--Namgubed the Merry Elf
"So he asked me how I liked my steak, and I said, 'Blood on you, Meat!' He was not a happy camper!"--Heath (Aren't y'all sick of this, too?)
Hold it right there! Remember -- restraining order.....--Nethicus
"Dad's finally got the fire goin'... where are we settin' up the cross?"--Generik
"Cookin' hot dogs smells much better than cookin' copies of The Last Temptation of Christ!"--anon
During the earliest days of the strip, the Keane Family had a pet chimp named "Scooter", seen here in an otherwise unremarkable "Dolly-saying-something-embarassing" episode. The little ape tested poorly with focus groups, however, and was eventually replaced with Sam.--Mycroft
"I can't understand a damn word the Browns say... it all sounds like "Wah wah wah" or something. Where's that bald kid of theirs, anyway?"--Mycroft
"When I cried, my 'father' would draw me as a monkey and force me to parade around as if nothing was wrong, attracting stares and strange looks. God how I loathed life."-- I have no voice, and I must Keane, by Patrick J. Keane--Magus
I was wrong -- you can see your nipples through that top. Color. Shape. Everything!--Vice Pope Doug
Mommy? The man with the pipe says he's gonna try to get you drunk enough for a "quick knob slobbin' in the garage like last year" -- what's a quick knob slobbin' ??--Vice Pope Doug
This Day in History - June 18, 1959 -"Aw, Mom! Do we have to have steak and lobster for dinner again? I wish Daddy wasn't a rich and successful cartoonist..."--bobo
"Really, Mommy, don't you and Daddy have ANY friends that know how to properly dress?"--v
Moments after Dolly mumbled something about p'sghetti falling through BBQ slits, Bil tried that "pour while on fire" trick with the lighter fluid, but thanks to depth perception problems and a lack of corrective lenses it was a far more memorable gathering than most.--twomp
Family Circus Study #14 At the height of Bil's DT's, he displays cunning symbolism, showing massive amounts of food, obesity, and bulemia in one caption.--Nethicus
Mommy, that dumb little girl doesn't even know what a strap-on is.--Buoy
I got dibs on the fetish-burger! ...yeah, that one -- the one your breast is sitting on.--Kurt L.
But we outnumber them, so why the hell are we cooking for them?--Kurt L.
Tell me again why we have to make it, um, ook-lay ike-lay an accident-phay, instead of just killing them now?--Kurt L.
How come when Barfy takes a dump in the yard no one notices, but when I do it the neighbors stare? Talk about your double-standards!--Kurt L.
Half pound burger patties? A 20 lb bag of salt? Geez Mom, are we still shopping at Price Club? --bobo
I keep forgetting Mommy. Is Mrs. Anderson the skanky pisspot that you don't like?--bobo
How much longer to I hafta wear these handcuffs, anyway?--Kurt L.
May I have your attention, everyone? My assistant, PJ, is now entering with Lot #1: photos of one of you in graphic activity with another married person on the street. I open the bidding at $1000. Do I hear...--Rotter
I checked...Mr. and Mrs. Potter are too big for the crawlspace, but Sarah's got real possibilities!--Rotter
I'm hungry now. Can't you guys swap after we eat?--Coyote
My God, look at us. Dad's been ridin' the Night Train again, huh mom?--clint
And now, my impression of Linda Blair doing a party trick in The Exorcist--not elsie
"It was the same old routine at each barbeque. 'Roll over Barfy. Sit Barfy. Shake hands Barfy. Play dead Barfy.' Shit, it was so degrading and pitiful. I could have been inside licking my balls."--Barfy, Inside the Flea Circus--Coyote
Bil's soused. He's trying to light the fire in the satellite dish again.--Coyote
And if you pause "The Keane Family Barbecue" video at exactly the right moment, you can catch Cousin Sally holding her plexiglass dildo. You're a cruel man, Mr. Keane--Tangent
Mr. Magruder says photos, sexy clothes, French, mutual J/O are fine but the "little woman" won't do a final swap...--Opie
Why did Daddy give Mr. Davis a tour of the house??? It's not like he hasn't been here a hundred times while Daddy's at work...--Opie
The svelter '50's version of Thel inspired this popular "I Like Dyke" button.--Gen. Sedgwick
Daddy's been hitting the keg pretty hard already...he's just about to grill up 20lbs of cat litter...--Opie
What's the problem? He asked how I wanted the wiener and I told him it was up to him, but anal costs $10 extra. Did I quote it wrong?--Gen. Sedgwick
Are these the people you said not to tell any Jew jokes around?--Opie
I told 'em about Dad and the spaceship and the probes and all, and they got kinda quiet. Was that supposed to be a secret?--Gen. Sedgwick
$150 to do both of them...and that doesn't include the dogs or their ugly kid--Opie
Dolly soon regretted her "baby bird" impression, however, when Thel decided to show her what pre-chewed food really tasted like.--ks
A scene from the hilarious new Rick Moranis feature, Honey, I Either Stretched PJ's Legs Or Shaved Jeffy's Head, I Can't Tell Which.--ks
I disagree, Mom. Heroin does too make a family gathering more fun for everyone.--Eli
I'm a little bull dyke/Short and stout/Mention your dick/And I'll rip it out--munkiman
If this is a family bar-b-que, why can't we roast PJ?--sammy mazola jr
Since we've apparently travelled in time back to the 50's, does that mean Daddy won't be marching for Gay Pride this year?--Bill
Since this party is outside, is it safe to assume that Bil won't be showing his home-made "Gladiator" movies?--Bill
It was really nice of Daddy to invite the three people in the world who read his comic to the picnic, huh, Mommy...--Bill
Biker shorts with a halter top? Someone's on the prowl! Grr!--Bill
"Hot damn, Mommy! If Mr. Porkschaft doesn't notice you in that, he's gotta be a homo!"--kramm
Don't freak, Mom, but Bil's having a flash back. Grandpa's alive, we're back in our cutsey, stumpy, early forms, and dad's stoking the grill with that benzine-based fire starter that stopped our growth.--Hideo Spanner
So if that guy is your half-brother, and that woman is P.J.'s real mom, and that girl is both my sister and my cousin, does that make Jeffy my half-brother or a son-in-law?--agm
Mom! PJ's goosestepping in front of the Hershbergers again!--Coalcracker
Yes, Mom, I understand the concept of virgin sacrifice, but I think we're overlooking a crucial detail here ...--Riff
All eyes were on Dolly; who would have thought that such a little girl would use big words like "self-immolation"--Moorlock
O.K. we're all set. You entertain the new neighbors and we'll go ransack their house for any valuables.--Johnboy
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