DFC #271
(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)  (<<)  (<)  (>)  (>>)
  (?)    '?'

Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc.
Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc.

The engines canna take it any longer, captain! Listen to that horrible sound they're making already!--Joe Z
"I do so have a detachable head! Watch!"--Thany
You know, watching a man die wasn't as fun as I thought it would be.--Sludge
Great. Billy's in rehab, an' Dad's drunk off his gourd -- that leaves us to come up with tomorrow's cartoon. Quick, get me that picture of Billy on the phone with Grandma, an' some trace paper!--Namgubed the Merry Elf
P.J. couldn't decide which disgusted him more: Bil's drunken and depressingly punctual morning nap, or Jeffy's insane insistence that he invented the "Home Alone" face grab.--the hunter
A preview of the upcoming movie, Home Alone With Daddy.--Bubba
I say we fix his deviated septum with the cactus.--Anastasia
'PJ! Get some adrenaline and the heavy duty syringe! The fuck just shot my whole stash of China White!'--Bil's Drug Buddy
"Wow, PJ, you're right! All you have to do is cross the two yellow wires, and his head starts glowing!"--Zolo
Amazingly, after numerous hints of incest, child beating, substance abuse, and even pet-eating, it was a cactus within a toddler's reach that gave Child Protective Services the solid evidence they'd sought so long.--Gen. Sedgwick
Unfortunately, Edvard Munch passed away before he could create a work based on the other image seared into his brain since early childhood: The Snore.--The Outsider
AGGHHH! I didn't know the Spice Girls SANG, too! Turn it off. TURN IT OOOOOFFFF!!!--alanon
You forgot the bowl of warm water? How are we EVER gonna get a new sofa???--Gen. Sedgwick
And coming up next: Lenny discover's Squiggy's coffee creamer recipe is boric acid; Carmine loses a ball in his ragu; and Whoops! Another Defazio! All this and more on JEFFERNE & SHIRLEY.--7 Years in Babette
See? I told you I could twist my head completely around! You owe me a dollar!--Riff
No, you're wrong, the W3 Consortium is much more qualified to set HTML standards than for-profit corporations are! I can't hear you, la la la la la!--Werehamster
My God! Who would have guessed he knows all the lyrics to all of Barry Manilow's songs?--Anastasia
PJ, quick, while he's sleeping! Get me jeans that aren't tight-rolled, a sweater that isn't monogrammed, and a pair of earrings that don't dangle so much. I'm so fucking eighties it's disgusting.--Tangent
Keane's variation of Hear no evil, See no evil, Speak no evil : Hear no evil, snore much evil, unable to speak anything evil with more than 1 syllable.--Magus
"Can't you hear it? It's the beating of that infernal heart! Pull up the floorboards -- there you will find bloody witness to my transgressions!" Of course, there was nothing under the floorboards but a big stack of Bil's early work in "Anal Action Comix,--Jizmo the Wonder Horse
This is getting out of hand! We've got to destroy his damn opera records!--anon
...and fifty-five! Come on, PJ, push! These neck extension exercises really work! Feel the burn! One thousand nine hundred and fifty-six! One thousand nine hundred and fifty-seven!--garden weasel
PJ couldn't make up his mind .... Jeffy's mouth was softer with smaller teeth, but Dad's mouth created a lot more suction - especially when he was snoring.--Hugh G Rection
"It's...it's not you, it's me. Sometimes, taking care of Bil, and the house...it just gets a little much at times, you know? I'm sorry, P.J..."--Thomas Wilde

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