DFC #186 |
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Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc. Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc. |
Face it, troops, the Million Melon March is just another flop.--Charlie Steinhice
Of course I'm pissed! Can't you listen to reason?! We just HAPPEN to win a trip to Washington DC? We just HAPPEN to be invited on a tour of the FBI headquarters? Wake up!! It's a fucking trap!!--The 4-Star Pope
Whadd'ya mean, what am I on? I don't have to take such insinuations from a group of giant toadstools.--Anastasia
The next asshole who says to me "Mr. Gingrich, you look so much shorter in person" is gonna get punched in the nads!--alanon
In our own house, we're lucky when you remember to draw the toilet, but here, a vanishing point, shading, and Zip-A-Tone! And for your information, Bil, according to the Capitol dome in the window you've got this bus careening down the center of the Mall! *Great* fucking vacation, Bil.--Orrin Bloquy
so Thel, whaddaya say you an' me ditch bil an' the rugrats an' blow this rolling popsicle stand an' get ourselves a drink or four?--karl marx
Aw, do we have to go there again? Last time we went, three hard-up senators thought i was a page.--Ricky
Oh, we're going into the capitol building all right--I cut the brake lines.--Marty Gray
How the hell was I suppose to know she wasn't a whore?!--Tecumseh
The whole Keane clan became a bit aprehensive as Billy began to sing the Iraqi national anthem as loud as he could.--Azazael
. . . because the goddamn security guard at the White House took away my handgun, that's why!--The Hanged Man
I wanna see some real sights! Like where did Marion Barry get hooked up?--phonsux
"...as Billy ranted on about something, my gaze was drawn to the front, where her bare calf continued to dangle and tease." -- from Dolly Keane: Early Awakenings -- Prof. Moriarity
If you two don't get Dolly to stop singing Magic Bus, so help me god, I'll kill her.--Anastasia
If he hits me in the back of the head with that flag one more goddamn time, I'm gonna make a PJ-kabob.--Tim
I don't wanna keep riding the Capitol Tour all night again! I want to say in a real hotel!--Rotter
No, you're both right. We could be riding the world's only inverted-helix coaster at Six Flags, but then we wouldn't be learning anything. This is the best fucking vacation ever.--Rotter
Well, Dad, maybe if you wouldnt hit me so hard, Id be able to sit down!--Azazael
This Sucks! I'm hot, tired, hungry, thirsty, I can't see out the windows 'cause I'm too short and my balls itch and you won't let me scratch 'em!--Christian Kisky
"I told you! I have to stand like this until it crawls back up!"--Mark Bilodeau
The observant will notice Keane's inclusion of the star of one of his failed comic strips, Jane Brixton - the woman with one elbow, as the bus's tour guide.--Jr. Justice
I got more acting in my little pinky than Keanu Reeves! Why the fuck didn't they cast me for Speed !?--phonsux
Jeffy gets to sit on Mommy's lap, PJ gets to sit on yours, so why can't Dolly sit on mine !? --phonsux
I can't believe Hillary Clinton turned me down! That bitch probably thinks she's better than me!--anon
I don't care if he is a Kennedy, the asshole drank the last of my MadDog 20/20.--Otis
"What difference does it make if I'm sitting down or not? There aren't any fucking seatbelts on this deathtrap anyway."--Nightfall
"And on the left, you can see the White House...." "Well, I'm looking left, and all I see is white trash!"--Schickelgruber
"You know what? I'm getting pretty damn tired of P.J. holding that damned 'Washington, D.C.' pennant."--Daniel Lanker
Why'd you have to come get me?? I was making good money in that bus station....--War Gerbil
That's it, I am through with that fuckin' agent. A "remake of a modern classic", my ass -- like I would knowningly sign on for the Jerry Falwell version of "Get on the Bus."--Paul Roub
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