DFC #310
(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)  (<<)  (<)  (>)  (>>)
  (?)    '?'

Image © 1998 Bil Keane, Inc.
Distributed by Cowles Synd., Inc.

"It's Dad. One of us is gonna have to wear the Vietnamese prostitute outfit."--MonkeyHead
"All I hear is heavy breathing--he's staring at my ass, isn't he?"--Larry Hastings
Ten Hut!! The Generalissimo wants us to invade Dolly .....again!!!!!!!--Byll Keen
"Says he's lost. Wandered too far from the couch."--Marky D. Sodd
He says if we don't stop he's gonna do the same thing to your other earlobe.--Gen. Sedgwick
Order Bucket o' Soldiers now, and as a special bonus we'll send you the John Travolta action figure (shown foreground) absolutely free!--Gen. Sedgwick
I can't maintain this façade anymore, Billy... I just miss paisley too much.--Dan Jones
You know the end is near when you hear ABBA coming from behind enemy lines...--Dan Jones
"Cheapskate's calling collect again. Will you accept the charges?"--Heath
Oh Gawd! O'l Booze and Bugger thinks he's Blood and Guts again.--Joe Z
I didn't copy his last transmission--it was either "Saddam" or "Sodomy," but either way, I think we'd better get our asses out of here.--marty gray
'Something about "Tailhook", and how the feminist establishment ruined his military career. I think that means we're allowed to kill Dolly now.--Darth Vader, Lord of The Dance
Cheap Raido Shack crap. We'll never overthrow the government with this equipment. --Mr. ?
Uh, dad. That stuff you ordered from the Russian Army surplus catalog. Were the words "actual size" printed next to the pictures?--Mr. ?
"Ya know sumpthin'? War maybe hell, but talkin' a PMS ridden Thel into dropping the gun and getting out of the kitchen every friggin' 28 days isn't exactly a walk in the park.."--Tillman
He said he won't deal with terrorists. Go cut mom's head off.--tony"kill me" brock
"This is kinda fun, I guess, but does he always have to order all our birthday presents out of Soldier of Fortune?"--Who me?
The U.N. inspector wants to play 'Bury the missle' again.--Chris
"It's another 'Nam story, with the tiger cage and the distant gazes again. You want to listen for awhile?"--Who me?
"He wants to know what's wrong with the 'Happy Camper' t-shirts he bought us."--Who me?
"What a sick little fantasy. Now if we want our allowances this week, I hafta play dead while you poke my limp body with your rifle."--Who me?
"I dunno. Who ever heard of a Commander-in-Chief who couldn't get laid whenever he wanted?"--Who me?
Shit! It's Max Jerome!--Doc Evil
"He says to untie Kittycat and put the apple back in the kitchen."--Who me?
Uh-oh, 'Private Parts'... 'Major Woody' is headed our way!--Doc Evil
"He says we can have tanks and jeeps and soldiers an' stuff, but no Serb rape camp."--Who me?
"It's God calling. He says to slaughter the infidels. What's an infidel?"--Who me?
"Johnny Reb has broken our code. For the sake of the Republic, shoot him now!"--Who me?
"Make it quick. We gotta be in the sewers under Dealey Plaza in three hours."--Who me?
His Supreme Whiteness reports that this is only a drill; had Mexicans REALLY been moving in next door, we were to await further instructions. Stand down, soldier.--Bob Burler
"The Commander-in-Chief says to get your ass to the garage and take out the trash!"--Big ol' Bob
I didn't ask, but he's tellin'.--anon
He says he wants to go out like "a soldier, standing up, not like some rag-ass renegade".--The Plague
Dad says it's your turn to report to headquarters to buff the ol' cruise missile.--dsa
"Say, if Dad was a draft dodger, how the hell can he have flashbacks?"--Evil Damo Suzuki
"Change of plans. Bil says the client wants us in the Star Trek outfits instead."--Shem
He says he is holding my "Good on you mate" shirt hostage. It looks like we'll have to take him by force.--Terminus
"Bad day, I guess. He wants to know how much to do Mom."--Who me?
"There's blood on the dog's mouth. It's time for the Lilliputians to go home."--Who me?
I don't understand it either, but Bil says if we get involved in a war, no one will notice what he did to the dog.--anon
"Oh my god, even dad just submitted a 'Don't ask don't tell' caption."--anon
"Yes, I AM tight rolling my fatigues. You got a problem with that soldier boy?"--anon
If this doesn't give him a 'Nam flashback, I don't know what will--Rocinante
"What does 'No more Geneva Convention, you little shits' mean?--ks
Its some guy wondering if we want to try Sprint long distance...--Mark
General McBoner orders us to blow the hell out of him.--DainBread
Gawd, I love the smell of old drunken hack cartoonist in the morning.--xian, the boy with the monkey heart
Uhh, Billy? I've been snooping in on Dad's cell phone, and I think I ought to warn you that Uncle Roy found out who mixed Icy-hot with his Vaseline. And Uncle Roy isn't gonna fall for that "Not Me" bullshit, either.--xian, the boy with the monkey heart
"He said, 'If he can't already put a pellet up a squirrel's butt at fifty paces, then he's no son of mine.'"--Who me?

Back to the DFC Archive index