Zirconia3.com's EZ Non-Payment System
No checks or money orders. No credit cards. No bills.
There is, however, a catch. For someone, at least.
Zirconia3.com used to utilize special equipment from AT&T, as well as covert access to FBI databases and CIA satellites, to track your internet purchases, pinpoint your physical location, and... personally... deliver your goods and... extract... cash payment.
This technology, however, was expensive and not without flaws. Errors were becoming more and more frequent. Too often, the wrong people were receiving Zirconia3.com packages-- but this actually wasn't as bad as it seems, due to the fact that our... delivery specialists... always made sure we got our money anyway. We can work with this. So, rather than update our shipping system to actually work properly, we'll just use the Post Office. They can't do any worse than our old system did. As for payment, we'll still send out our guys; they probably won't find you, but they'll find somebody. We can live with that. |
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